Sitting here thinking about you.
As I listen to the silence my eyes wonder in the darkness.
Wondering.
Wondering if you are still there.
Still there watching over me.
If you can hear or see me, tell me one thing.
Do you enjoy the sadness in your ole home?
Your family wishes they could turn back time and keep your smiling face alive.
Sadly this can never happen.
The clock strikes twelve and I hear your voice.
I smile and close my eyes as your ice cold hand lays gently on my shoulder.
Tears start falling as I hold tight, never wanting to let go.
Never wanting this moment in time to end.
But sadly the coldness fades away and I’m lost once again.
Happiness is now turned to sadness as you are no longer grasping me.
I want you to take me with you, so in time we can always be together.
Just like we said so many years ago.
It was a promise we made and fate can’t be changed as that promise was broken.
Turning time, changing fate is all I need to get you back by my side once again.
A contest entry
- Prewrites by leander.
730 points, ended November 30, 2008, 147 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any comment is appreciated...
Comments
-
The title of this poem actually drew me into it in some kind of way, expecting lovely poetic devices and such.
There is a whole lot of emotion filling the page here, emotions we all have felt at least once in our lifetime, and/or probably more as well.
The magic spice to make a poem succeed is to stay out of clichés as much as possible. This write captures almost every single cliché there is in heartbreak and sadness. Not that it's bad, not at all - every outpour of emotions is good, but it misses something.
It would have more value when it would be out of the box - out of that gray area where a lot, if not all poets have made their signature with a cliché.
Thank you for entering this contest! I hope future will have more happiness in store for you!
Leander
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