Can you hear the screams of darkness
The loneliness she hides
While her heart is breaking
With the pain she keeps inside
There was a time she smiled
It seems so long ago
Why it all went so wrong
She really doesn't know
In pools of tears she lies
A broken girl who isn't whole
The things which had been taken
Left just a shattered soul
She won't say who had done this
But still she sees his eyes
As she remembers what he did
To her heart and soul that night
Cause when she lay there bleeding
After he took all he could take
She felt the pain rip through her soul
Leaving darkness in it's wake
Now listening to the screaming
She lay there in the dark
Worried how she'll make it
Broken soul, and shattered heart.
Author notes
#2 - the quote :]
had also written Pain Immortal and It Was Mine
A contest entry
- It's Poetry Time! =) Musical Inspiration For You! by KyleBerg.
1225 points, ended October 22, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silent All These Years (for rape and sexual assault survivors) by SerenityNChains.
1750 points, ended November 9, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Wow
Very close to crying... dunno what to say, this is really powerful
x x x
-
wow, this is such a moving write, so full of emotion, it brought tears to my eyes and brought back memories of a past i've tried so hard to leave behind, this is truly a great piece. sorry that it was written from experience, no one should have to suffer like this.
-
Poetry written on personal experiences are sometimes the most important kinds of poems out there. Most of my poetry is based on my experiences. The words in this stanza
n pools of tears she lies
A broken girl who isn't whole
The things which had been taken
Left just a shattered soul
kept repeating in my head the second after I read them. This poem really struck a chord with me.
-
My friend, this is stunning.
First things first, NEVER apologize for writing something depressing.. not to me anyway because i once worked out that out of 17 poems i had written, 13 people had died
so I don't mind sad poems at all =)
Anyway, onto the actual comment
This was a spectacular take on the quote; it's amazing how deep you went with it. I love the casual rhyming, it suits perfectly and adds to the sadness. The story (both the part told and the one clearly shown between the lines) are really powerful and full of emotion -- you had me on the edge of my seat.
This is a wonderful poem, thank you very much for entering and I wish you the best of luck in the contest
-
-
Thank you so much
You have made my day with that critique. This is a very personal issue for me, so it is something I feel deep. I didn't start with it going the way it did, but you know when you write, it writes itself. That's what happened here.
-
-
oh my god! i know! once i was trying to write a parody of a nursery rhyme for children and the poem kind of started writing itself and it ended in a brutal suicide -- so i know exactly what you mean by that And usually those poems that seem to write themselves are the best poems there are as is my opinion with this poem. I think you really showed that it was a personal issue for you, and this just added to the emotional impact of it.
Once again, thank you and good luck
-
-
-
dark,beautiful, painful, raw
No it's not depressing...It is more of heartwrenching.
I feel the pain in here. emotions are raging silently which the hardest pain to deal with...and the pain is spontaneous through the end.
I am like this right now...so I really really feel this.
Anna Lee
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
