go if you must
but in the process
weigh me not in
the search for fate
in your symbolic wilderness
and among the billboarded
buildings, skyscrapers
screeching past
the windows
go faster if you must
nothing left to
contemplate beyond
the word falling
from your lips
in my book yet
you seem to hesitate
don't go then--
let's pull over here.
The electric lampost
glistens as the last
of the raindrops trace
its shape beneath
the hollow moon
and the door opens
slowly, surely
the click of your shoes
and then we're buried
in my raincoat
yes, I'd rather you stay
than drift in
and out of subway
stairwells searching
for transcendental meanings
because it's just
too much to rationalize
sometimes
this meeting is proof
enough for my heart
no larger motif
metaphor masterful
rhyme scheme necessary here but
love, go if you must.
Author notes
My word was semiotics.
Thanks! =)
A contest entry
- Word of the Day IV by Gaffer.
450 points, ended November 5, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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BEAUTIFUL! however my eyes would glaze over alot of the writing at points. Try using tools to keep my eye attached.
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Wow, really nice write. You definately used the word well. I would try to revise it so it flows better if you wish to revise it still. It is an amazing free verse write the way it is too. Great write! Thank you for sharing.
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Sorry it took me so long before I posted a comment. I haven't had a lot of free time lately, and I didn't want to rush my comment.
First of all, I really liked how you incorporated the meaning of your word into this poem. You really ran with it and I think the final product was really great. I love the repetition of "go if you must" (or variations thereof) throughout the poem.
I really loved the metaphor you used throughout this poem. It was really great. It's a poem that can stand to be read over and over again, and each time you read it, you gain some new insight from it.
I really liked the juxtaposition and metaphor of the "wilderness" and the city in the first stanza.
Loved the lines "nothing left to/ contemplate beyond/ the word falling/from your lips". Really great metaphor and imagery there.
I also love the shift in emotion in the poem, from the "go if you must" to the "don't go then" after the hesitation. Really interesting shift there.
Loved the imagery of the electric lampposts with the raindrops.
Loved the imagery of the clicking shoes and getting "buried" in the raincoat as well.
I also loved the imagery of drifting in and out of subway stairwells.... like some sort of nomad.
Again, I liked how the poem once again shifted gears, how no larger motif was needed as proof, and that we return to "go if you must". I really like how the "character" in this poem shifts thoughts throughout the piece like that. It really mimics how we would react and flip-flop in real life.
I thought it was a beautiful piece. Well done.
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Oh. This is a pretty cool little poem that you have going on here. I liked how it was simple and straight forward and you lean on the metaphors just a little. It makes it very pretty and open. Like you're just leaving it out there for anyone to see. I thought it made it sound very easy and beautiful. You did a good job of expressing yourself.
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wow.. this is really good.. kinda hard to grasp at first but it pulls u in later and u find urself not being able to stop reading it again and again and again
loved the ending, loved the flow, loved the title, the images, the words..
everything is just like a catchy maze of words
very cool write
~rana~
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