It was cold.
I was at my camp.
I saw amber eyes looking at me.
Tigerstar's amber eyes looking at me.
He came up to me.
I looked at him.
He smilled.
Tigerstar said "I love you Firestar."
I was shock!
"I love it too Tigerstar."
Then Tigerstar left.
I looked at my camp.
I fell asleep.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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omfg!
arent they both GUY-CATS?!?!?! Are you saying Firestar is GAY?!?!?!?!?! lolamforofl soo funny! XD -
*AWKWARD SILANCE*
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EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are U trying to say that Tigerstar and Firestar are GAY?????????????????????????????????That is weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They R both toms, or have u not noticed???????????????????????? -
Okey, Jasmine, taking my poems as an example, you need to rhyme in your poems. a lot. they make more sense when you use vivid words with rhyme. Its also best you use less words and more description. and..... Make sense too. Remember when we learned about poems in Mrs. Wike's class? 4th Grade? We had to make them rhyme as well. Thinks about those. Also think About The bean's poem. you know, "beans beans the musical fruit the more you eat the more you....." See? That rhymes. Also Try and don't use any dialogue in your poems, It seems to put a stop to the rhyming and takes the reader away from the place your trying to make them imagine. And don't use periods unless you want the reader to pause for a moment. And put feelings into you poem. not just "I fell Asleep." "I Looked At my Camp" Try "I looked around my camp, to see if anyone saw, Then I Padded to my den, and let sleep do the rest." If you still don't really understand, ask me questions, but I really suggest you read my other poems. Okey, Have fun and remember what I said.
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Okay, I'm completely lost. But I'm guessing this has something to do with some anime or pikachu? Anyways, from what I can tell you're getting off on a good start. A bit more of a story line would be good. In line 9 you have shock, I think you meant shocked. Over all, it was cute.
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