Now burn upon the pyre
the light, the magic, the funeral fire
The Lord of Masks, the Land of Dreams
lawful night, the eternal screams
Madness worming into the soul
black,endless, the dead hole
The closing of walls in the cell
A descent into fiery hell
a sword turned upon the maker
bringing wrath upon the breaker
broken ruins follow a man
shatter plans that once where grand
Falling forever in her eyes
Boiling blood rains from the skies
Radiant nightmares of the sullied mind
Manacled changes of heart break bind
Wailing forever in the land of the dead
Thus once was joy, now turned to dread
True love exposed as but a lie
a joke, a gaff, for which some must die
Burn, burn in your sleep
let the lonely man sigh and weep
Lost forever in sorrows deep.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
I thought of Poe as I read this. You've become more and more accomplished, good Poet Sir. I like this one very much.
-
Loved the descriptive words, lets the reader truly feel the emotions you want them to feel. Your word choices are ALWAYS perfect for the write. You continue to amaze me at every turn. The last line is definately perfect. Keep your pen writing!!
Emily -
dark delight
beautiful, captivates from the first to the last, sorrow as sweet as pain, well done, aand \i am glad you wrote it
-
Wow!
Loved this it was great. You're very descriptive and very powerful imagery. I can really get the emotion from it, and think that a lot of people could really relate to it.
These lines really stand out to me for some reason...
"The Lord of Masks, the Land of Dreams
lawful night, the eternal screams"
"a sword turned upon the maker
bringing wrath upon the breaker" -
great descriptions in this poem. Powerful imagery and some very fuming adjectives. I love the intense feeling this poem has.You have done very well here.
bits like
True love exposed as but a lie
and
Boiling blood rains from the skies
really spoke to me. well done on this. congrats. I hope you have entered this into a few contests. Emmyb -
I really like this peom. It is some what true in a way for alot of people! =]
-
Never knock your own work. this poem is well written. as you have it written it moves too fast. break it up by setting it in four line verses. Now I would write the entire poem in lower case, get rid of all caps.you have many dark images here. it all works. Keep writing yourwork is good.
-
Wow this is fantastic the flow and rhyme are superb.Thanks for sharing this and keep up the good work.I hope to see more...
-
true love exposed as but a lie a joke, a gaff,for which some must die"
wow I really felt this write my favorite part:" true love exposed as but a lie a joke, a gaff,for which some must die" that part says a lot. anyways good job =]
-
Awesome job! I really felt the emotion behind this piece! An A+ job! Keep up the awesome work adn thanks so much for the share! I really am looking forward to reading more of your work....which I probably have already............ I read a lot of stuff on here and try to comment on everyones....Sorry for my mindless ramblings.............HAHA!!!!!
Again.....Thanks so much for the brilliant write and share! Good luck with future writes....but judging from this, you don't really need much luck!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~**~Heroesrox~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~* -
Quite an amazingly fine poem, actually, oh my yes!
Darker than anything Poe ever wrote that I know about, and written with a wonderful majesty that deserves attention. 
Ah, Adam, you should write more and more poetry!
-
~*~AWESOME~*~ I loved it very much! A great write indeed! Planning on reading more of your work very soon! Hope that they are as indescribably awesome as this one was! Again, aweome, awesome write. Made me think quite a bit! Check out my poems and such if you want to! I love leaving comments and then getting some back! (It's like feedback on ebay.....lol) Thanks for sharing!
Definatly inspiring!
-
This is a really great poem. I would like it to be left as it is, but if you want to edit it, I'm sure you could continue the great job.
-
Definitely sounds like Poe; but a bit rushed. You've got a lot to be proud of as this piece as a poem - there's a lot of quality here, imagery and metaphors are great. An English class could spend a week on this alone and still be unable to uncover every masked meaning. In the meantime, if you need it, you could always join the group "Desperately Seeking Help."
-
Great poem to read for Halloween. Though the title seems a little amiss - if loving is insanity, then all the world is insane. I like the Lord of Masks and the Land of Dreams, these seem to put a little distance between the pain and the loss of love, and allow some space for reflection and contemplation. The triple rhyme at the end of the poem added punch.
-
Fantastic!!!
Your poetry is very smart and compelling and I loved reading this, good brother. 
Line upon line of deep adventure. 
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
