My pen slips.
The ink slides across the page,
Like a trumpet player.
Back and forth.
You like it when I fuck up.
You always have.
I am hundreds of miles from you,
Yet you are on my mind.
I can still hear your snicker every time I screw up,
On the highway I stick my head out of the window.
I am filled with hopelessness
I am filled with tears waiting to rain.
A person with no hope,
A slash of ink from trembling hands on a blank page.
Every night in my room I cry,
Nobody cares.
I have been through so much shit,
Nobody cares,
And so I cry.
Another holiday with my parents
Another holiday alone.
Another bill to pay.
Another nobody.
That is all I am.
Another nobody.
Let my cries and tears be for my own ears.
Nobody wants to hear.
Another nobody.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I wish this could have ended on a happier note for you...i can only hope that your reality isn't quite as painful...you have a real knack for going into that dark place and writing from there...many try and fail...you have captured the darkness well here...good job!! peace and LIGHT always in ALL ways...kp
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The imagery of the pen slicing across a page is very powerful. You seem conflicted, though. You are trying to display toughness with the profanity, yet you expose your weakness when you talk about your tears. My favorite line was "Let my cries and tears be for my own ears"--this line seems to resolve the two--toughness meets weakness and reigns it in. I hope your life isn't really this lonely. Best wishes,
Jade -
Wow
Wow
Very effectly put and it just shows the measure of control that a person can have over others no matter the distance apart. I believe, like the first comment you have written, that you must have put your heart and your soul into this this work, but unlike her I believe that you did a very good job of it. Especially ther first 6 lines I believe really builds up the suspence of what is coming up and then to realise what the built up suspence was about really flows well with the suspence building which generally in poetry is not overly easy to accomplish. Its amazing how much I can relate to this poem... Slightly intimidating to so I believe that that might be a reason why I have taken such a shine to it.
A very good job
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Despite its comment below me, I think this is good. The way you use "the slice of the pen" is brilliant. Although, you are some one and I care, so get used to it lol. Wonderful job once again, as usual my dear Max. I Love you!
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Ok.... I'm sure you put your heart and soul into this and I'm sorry I have to say this but... Enter a different contest. This is not what I was asking for. I admit at the beginning I didn't really explain well but you entered after I altered my explanation and therefore there is no excuse for you to enter my contest but blatantly disregard my rules. This poem is not horrifying, it is depressing. That is not was I asked for and I am deleting it. Good luck in your writing.
~Rose~
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