I dress in my flowing gown before sunset begins
As it approaches we all move in
We join hands, laugh and play for the sunset dance is about to begin
I take her hand and we twist and turn making one big tangle
We have begun the sunset dance that we are proud to do
We dance to the end of time just before night
That is when we let go of hands and say good byes
Just to do it again
Author notes
I chose Opinion 3 though I was inspired by other opinions too. This one a poem came right out when I saw it.
A contest entry
- October New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended November 6, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Hi,
I would just like to wish you the best of luck
in the contest
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
A tribute to “My Sunset Dance”
She dresses in a flowing gown that falls to dainty feet.
As the sun is going down, her lover she must meet.
The group of laughing dancers, joining their outstretched hands
intertwining sensuously, obeying loves demands.
And I have come to meet her there to twist and turn and tangle.
The sunset sets her hair aglow, she’s lovely from this angle.
With pride in acts done true and right, we dance in fleeing seconds.
Night will come, we’ll go our way, till tomorrows sunset beckons.
I am in no way suggesting you change anything about your poem.
I am showing you what your poem inspired in me.
Your work:
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thanks. your poem is very beautiful.
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Welcome to AllPoetry
I love the option you chose. I used one similiar to it for a poem I wrote. I think in this poem, would suggest to write it in third person. Try to tell more of the story, show rather than tell.
Lady Altheia
site greeter -
Welcome To Allpoetry
I think you've done an excellent job with this poem. Gave the readers lots of beautiful dancing imagery.
Good work and goodluck in the contest
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Very nice,..
Iam sure the sunset dance gets all your muses up and running thats a beautiful oicture and u did do justice to that,
thank you..
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Hello Pan,
I could see you daning hand in hand with your partner... waiting for the sun to set.
Nicely done.
Criss -
Welcome to All Poetry
This is very upbeat and full of life. I really enjoy the fun feeling this one has! I think I would make one minor change, for appearance and to make the flow a bit smoother, but other than than it is perfect!
We join hands and laugh and play for the sunset dance is about to begin
I would do this
We join hands, laugh and play for the sunset dance is about to begin
Thanks for this entry, and Best of luck in this contest!
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Full of upbeat and sincere feeling, this really brings out a good vibe. Has a dream-like quality, sort of airy and light if that makes sense here. Nicely done.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Sounds like such a delightful time. Wonderful take on your chosen prompt.
♥
whisper
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Welcome to All Poetry
A very nice write fulled with positive imagery. I think that you have done a great job with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.♥
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
This is joie-de-vivre;the pure elation of being alive, as Polly said, and you have conveyed such emotion and beauty. I developed an attachment to your poem, as it flows naturally and is easy to swallow, like a song I know by heart.
Your imagery is wonderful, and the essences of life and friendship are just so easy to connect with. Well done, and best of luck!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
This is a poem full of the delight of being alive - it expresses such beautiful feelings with such ease I really like the snapshot in time that this portrays, it sounds like a beautiful moment shared between friends - I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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welcome to allpoetry
Nice job. Your words do describe the picture well.
Thank you for entering the contest and following the rules.
Good luck to you.
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welcome to all poetry
Hi Pan809
Sounds like the perfect day, please put your option number in your author comments Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Barbara
site greeter
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ok i will
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