Spanish belles parade in Costa Del Sol,
Pink margaritas in hand, they lie
Under a yellow parasol;
Seņoritas with chocolate eyes and golden derričres.
The surf gently flows like fine champers
Against the Iberian shore.
Then rise, like colossal mountains attracting the surfers
Like sun bathed whores.
Boards in hand, they laugh as they pass by
And dream of olive clad martinis
And Spanish girls with olive faces and chocolate eyes...
And sensuous Spanish bodies clad in tiny black bikinis.
A contest entry
- Word of the Day IV by Gaffer.
450 points, ended November 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I liked the title of your poem. I think the two words go together and really sound melodious and sensual.
The first stanza is OK. The happy images of parading around with pink margaritas and lounging under parasols keeps with the theme of the poem.
The surf gently flowing is OK. But then the waves are described as colossal mountains, so I am confused about the imagery. Is the ocean supposed to be gently and inviting, or colossal walls of stone? Love the words "chocolate" and "golden" as they really add to the sensual aspect of the poem. However, I thought "derrières" did not flow here and was almost comical in comparison with the rest of the phrasing.
Again, the words "olive" and "chocolate" are good choices. I thought the last line was cute, but I'm not sure if it matched the rest of the poem. Some of the poem has sensual imagery, and this last part of not as imaginative and not descriptive enough.
Overall, I would have enjoyed reading more detailed imagery of these beautiful ladies on the beach, with more sensual words used, and I really would have liked to read metaphor in the poem.
I think with some adjustments and additions, you could have a very beautiful descriptive poem. -
Nice imagery, detailed and sensuous. I like all those olives.
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