Big surprise
Have you ever thought since the day you were born,
Every thing fed to you is what you're now wearing on ?,
If you had can you imagine What would you now be ? ,
Don't care about the masses, its time your thoughts be free...
So now you flap your wings, clear out the haze,
This world was created, for everyone to daze,
Or you can lock your brains, be like the coal in the mine,
Or drill some holes, and like a rare diamond shine !
Why do all the people choose to close their eyes ?
On strings of life lie numerous knots and ties,
Do you wanna wait till your soul inside rots and dies,
Dont search for your answer, in front of you it lies,
Its been long since you're laid, its high time you rise,
No one'll care what you say, or be there to hear your cries...
Have you ever thought why the hell were you born ?
Oh crap! its dusk, and there was never a dawn !
Each despised second keeps on toggling front and behind,
Oh what you expected from life, and look how it's designed...
Your life is full of boxes left unnoticed, unticked,
Get a peek into your past and count the breaks unpicked,
Dont you see tomorrow as just another today,
And yet whats passed has passed, so start coloring up the gray.
Why don't all the people, wanna open their eyes,
Its gonna be different, but you do need to acclimatize,
Whats been missing all this time, dont you recognize ?
When you'll find the answer think how you'd be shooting the skies,
Its been long since you're laid, its high time you rise,
Get out of the flock, your life's a big huge surprise !!
Hello, this is my second poem. I'd really love and appreciate your words on it ...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You know people are dumb they dont wanna open there eyes to see whats in front of them...which you express very well in this poem. I think you have a very good point in this poem never quit writing!!! I love reading your work!!!!
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Thank you
I've done the corrections, actually I had posted a previous draft of the poem from my comp by mistake that contained some errors which werent taken care of... Thank you for pointing them out brooklynn and spiritual soul.
I've done the corrections, Thanks for taking your time out to read this guys, Cheers -
I absolutly love the second stanza.
"So now you flap your wings, clear out the haze, This world was created, for everyone to daze," I love that part it's very true.
Fifth stanza: "Dont you see tommorrow as just another today," ... "Tommorrow" should be "tomorrow".
Altogether this is a great poem i loved the flow. Keep up the good work :]
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Hey I thought this was awesome! A couple things though, The third line in the first stanza doesn't make sense. Did you mean, "Had you ever imagined?" or "did you ever imagine..." And in the last line I think you want it to be "life's"
Otherwise I Loved the message you portrayed in this piece, it was awesome, so profound. Beautiful words, keep it up! And I'm honored you wanted me to read this
Blessings,
~Michaela~
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This has a good message and some nice imagery. I thought the grammar could be improved, but other than that this is pretty. I especially liked, "Your life is full of boxes left unnoticed, unticked". Thanks for sharing
~Diana
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Words with Meaning!
Very nicely done, what a flow and rhyme, sweet whispers to the soul!
Rend The Veil
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There is a lot to this writing. It has deep meaning and makes the human mind ponder a bit. I like the rhyme and flow, it's kind of catchy. And like I said, the meaning behind this is full of rich metaphor and thought. Well done with this.
Storm
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