Your Gardian Angel

As the seasons are changing and the waves are crashing,
I'll be loving you,
While the days grow longer and the nights grow shorter,
I'll be thinking of you,
As the stars fall and the earth turns,
I'll be praying for you,
As you live your life and discover new things,
I'll be watching over you,
For I am your gardian angel,
And I will never let you fall.

“Your Guardian Angel” – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

A contest entry

It's Poetry Time! =) Musical Inspiration For You! by KyleBerg. 1225 points, ended October 22, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think

Comments

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
KyleBerg
October 8, 2008

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This poem has great potential as i very much enjoyed it.

You asked for some advice, so i'mma give it my best shot =)

The main thing that i think could be improved in this is that it is too dominated by lines from the song. Don't get me wrong, i like the way you've wrapped the poem up in quotes from the song and i don't want you to take any out... however, i think this poem could be a lot more original and brilliant if you added more of your own words.. and extended the poem.. like maybe 3 of your own lines between each line from the song.

[I'm certainly not trying to hurt your feelings with this, because i did very much like the poem, and im just making suggestions to make it even better]

Oh, one little thing.. in the title and once in the poem you said "gardian" without the 'u'... i know it's just a tiny spelling error, but I'm a hopeless perfectionist -- sorry!

Anyway, I hope you consider my comment and let me know whether you decide to edit the poem =)

Thanks for your entry and good luck
- TaylorGaylor
  October 9, 2008
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  (:
  It's fine.
  I wanted the advice. Thank you very much for it :]