Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Up In Smoke.

 

 

 

 

How it squats there diabolically,
an anonymous
anomaly,
on X-rays it's so plain to see
what quite soon will become of me.

As foreign growth
spreads tendrils through,
my organs pressed and set askew,
there's little more that they can do,
treatments for it long overdue.

With about six months remaining,
as my life is slowly draining,
long past time for all abstaining,
of course there's no need for explaining.

From way back when  I turned eighteen,
just a 
chimney for nicotine,
my sucking smoke grew
death unseen,
that flaunts me on my cancer screen.

Those useless filters, cotton rolled
failed to keep the toxins uncontrolled,
from my lungs where they have taken hold,
thus my final chapter is foretold.

An anonymous
anomaly,
life will soon mark me as absentee,
so I'm puffing on a fresh Raleigh,
cause it's all that's left to comfort me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Artis












A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • poetryality silver member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your mono-rhymes are stellar! I must confess when I looked at the graphic, I immediately crushed my cigarette out.

    Coffee, cigarettes, morning, jump-start... ~sigh

    Last year I quit smoking for almost four months, went back, the only rationale...I wanted a cigarette. Yeah! I feel this. Too intensely artis, I feel these words!

    Congrats on earning the silver chalice! Chiiling!


    Much Love & Respect Always ♥

    Renee


  • shecantstopfalling.
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The rhyming is really good. I really do like it. Good luck


  • feetus
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was great It was alot of fun to read & I enjoyed the last stanza much. Many of life's guitly pleasures come at a price, & I'm willing to pay up as most smokers are. Great write & g'luck in the contest


  • herrlurch
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    fantastic!

    You sent shivers down my backbone... everything ok with you, I hope? Very intense.
    Ah yes, constructive criticism? Not much to say, but I would work on the rhyming in the first stanza because it's not as fluent as the rest and 'only' gets 9.5 out of ten.
    All the best, Götz (not anymore-smoker)


  • Black Narcissus gold member
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love the poem, but as a smoker I find it a bit scary

1 - 5 of 5