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Are you still there?

Hello?
Are you there?
I'm still here...
Are you still there?

Hi!
It's me...
I called earlier.
I just wanted to make sure
you're still there.

Oh Hey!
just me,
calling to check...
that you're still there.

You there?

Hello?
...
Hello!?
Ha! See!?
I knew it...

you're gone.

Author notes

It’s a commentary on how I find myself acting with someone new… particularly with someone new that I like, in a dating sense.

This kind of behavior is a self fulfilling prophecy, but it’s something I think a lot of people (including myself) find themselves doing, and unable to control. I wonder where it sources from, and in this piece, I’ve approached it from a ‘fear of abandonment’ perspective, which many of us carry from our childhoods.

The poem itself is simple and repetitive, deliberately to emphasize the childishness of the behavior.

Writing it has helped me control the urge though, which I’m currently fighting… haha.

-- "The Child Inside- Qkumbah Zoo"

In a list

A contest entry

Where does it take you?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • BellaD
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is a little spooky...in a good way. I wrote a poem years ago with the same title and the same general theme and feelings of insecurity in a relationship. I don't think I posted it on ap. If you are curious, I'll dig it out and send it to you. It might be interesting to compare the two.


  • acari27 gold member
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    youve already written it.

    ooo this is so good

    do you know how good this is?


    Talk about simple.

    Talk about fucking funny.


    • ParadoxFry
      October 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      and by not totally sold, I mean not totally sold on my writing, not your comment.


    • ParadoxFry
      October 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You think so? I mean... Thanks! i'm not totally sold. but I wanted it to feel as childish as I feel.