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Poetry in the Sand

 

 

caressing the strings

 

of the lyre, our poetry gently

 

elevated lilting melodies

 

upon a sunny breeze, as it sifted

 

the finest sands of immortality

 

eternal love slipped through the sieve

 

leaving behind its fragile watermark

 

as shimmering granules washed away

 

with the swollen tide and time

 

together with our fervent love

 

gone is the endlessly drifting sand

 

of our immortal poetry - now

 

discarded flotsam in the sea

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Like poetry, the shifting sand is spontaneous, fragile, ephemeral, almost as mystical as it is aesthetically beautiful, in its myriad of swirls and patterns in varying degrees of intensities, colors, shapes and sizes of granules. Lke life and lost love, they all sadly wash away in the moon's mighty tide out to sea, as discarded flotsam of time.

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • storiesuntold gold member
    October 20, 2008
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    Lovely write here

    I so love the ocean and the shells this is a great piece of work here


  • Sunshine Always
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent as always Cyn...You create wonderful imagery with your words...mal


    • Cynthia Gaines gold member
      October 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for the compliment...

      I'm glad you like my poem!!! Thanks for stopping in, and for the kudos, it really means a lot... I'll be over your way to visit very soon. Take care, Cyn


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh crap.. i just noticed you have nothing listed wanting a review like the one i gave...
    omg i am sorry. if you want i will delete


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i did love the story, the body
    but having the lines spaced like that
    broke up the feeling for me
    i couldnt figure out where to breathe
    i had to go through first and find the pauses
    then went back to get the feeling.
    also... your author notes... while the poem has some of that - it feels like it is at arms length-
    adding what you mention in your author notes, would also make this feel so much stronger... right now it explains and speaks but fragile, spontaneous- those are words that feel. There are parts that do make me feel but not like what your author notes speak of
    does this make sense?
    oh and i loved loved - did i say loved? the photo because i have all those shells... lol the spiral one at the top i nicknamed 'mermaids nipple' because it does fit there perfectly LOL


    • Cynthia Gaines gold member
      October 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for the comments...

      I agree, the spacing was something that I thought about for quite some time last night, and finally decided to make that change. Also edited a few words here & there - there was no place to use such a word as "spontaneous" within the poem, though I thank you for your advise. No harm done, it was very helpful. Take care, Cyn


  • LiMarie silver member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is gorgeous, I love the image of sifting sand, an image that I've used as well, so much can be expressed through it, I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment expressed in your author's notes (beautifully written as well) Also the lyre and your lilting melodies is so effective, just a lovely lovely read.


    • Cynthia Gaines gold member
      October 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for the compliment...

      I appreciate your stopping in to read my work, and thanks for the kudos!!! I'll be over your way to visit your pages ASAP. Take care, Cyn


  • oneeye
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Captivating

    Cyn, change the eighth line and it will be perfect. OK? GF not to hurt you but I've read this three times. Picture and words are perfectly match.


  • aboomer silver member
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this! Lovely wording and images! So many lines I like...and I really like how you have ended this!
    Excellent!!


    • Cynthia Gaines gold member
      October 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for the kudos!!!!

      I was just searching for a nice image to go with the poem, and finally settled on one that looks half-way decent, I think. What do you think?!!? I owe your pages a visit soon, so I'll be over your way this evening... Take care & thanks again, you made my day!!! Peace, Cyn

      • aboomer silver member
        October 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Yes, I like that! The seashells add a nice touch, I think.


        • Cynthia Gaines gold member
          October 7, 2008
          Edit | Reply

          Thank YOU!!!

          I'm still working on the color scheme of the background to go with the seashells now, so thank you for checking back, I appreciate it SO much!!! See ya soon!!!


  • arafura gold member
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very touching work. I could feel the wistful emotion swirling in the background. Excellent!


    • Cynthia Gaines gold member
      October 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you, John!!!

      I was just searching for a nice image to go with the poem, and finally settled on one that looks alright, I think. What do you think?!!? I owe your pages a visit soon, so I'll be over your way this evening... Take care & thanks again, you made my day!!! Peace, Cyn

  • SoulWhispher
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was truly a work of art, the images of the shifting sand was most profound, you have really composed a fantastic poem here, and I really enjoyed the read, great job, blessings John


    • Cynthia Gaines gold member
      October 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for the compliment...

      I was just searching for a nice image to go with the poem, and finally settled on one that looks OK, I think. What do you think?!!? I owe your pages a visit soon, so I'll be over your way this evening... Take care & thanks again, you made my day!!! Peace, Cyn

1 - 18 of 18