Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Fake Smile

We are the fake smile

We are snide comments
and rude remarks

We are the mistakes you make
and the time you don't keep

We are your thoughts
and your pain

We are your weakness
and your strength

We are the food you eat
and the food you don't

We are the scars on your arms
and the blades you keep

We are the lies you tell
to hide what's beneath

Our forces combine
to wreck more havoc than anyone could ever know

we are the fake smile

and we feed on your confidence

Author notes

This was inspired by 'This is how I scream' by Acoya http://allpoetry.com/poem/4552253

What is your honnest opinion? I'm looking to improve this!

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • ImUrFadingMemory
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow i love this poem! it is so very intense in every line . and applies to so many. i mean for some faking a smile is all they ever do and its very sad. but everyone at least once in their life has done it. this poem captured reasons behind why we do it like the razors we stash. food we don't eat. ect.
    great write i enjoyed it very much!
    ~Madison~

  • Nymph
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, how to mix imagery with rhythm/pace... thinking about it...


  • Syko Path
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i thought this was a kool poem i love the scares on you arm part for sure


  • thorlorn thanatos
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this! Though personally I think it would shine if added a bit of vulgarity?
    I like the fake smiles, snide comments and rude remarks... maybe substituting the scars for scabs and hiding whats beneath to something along the lines of whats under your skin?

    Just an idea.

    Thorlorn