by daybreak they'll have me
stripped & ready for
the breaking wheel
the cracks in the wall
are not big enough
to bury myself inside,
so I made a down payment
on a blow of mercy -
& tucked conscience
beneath bruised knees
to conceal the chasms
in my bone.
the executioner's rhetoric
ambles from tongue-tips
& the sidewalk breathes in
stuttering gasps, glassphalt eyes
glittering up to focus -
corneas etching pictures
of hammers
along cement canvas.
I will not sew my lips together
& numb my tongue to silence
my betrayal...
but do not call me
a martyr.
Author notes
*POW CONTEST*
theme/topic: "Give me Liberty or give me death!"
there is more to this... i trimmed it down some for the contest, but i'm actually pretty happy with the way it turned out this way. maybe i'll add it after the contest is over if anyone is interested to read its full length.
: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaking_wheel : for information on the form of execution I'm describing here.
glassphalt: in some cities, ground glass is put into the asphalt to make it shimmer in the streetlights at night. so that's where that word came from.
uhm... yeah... good luck judging!!!
51/100
"bah humbug"
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Day - POD by Arkbear.
400 points, ended October 11, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For making me your favourite ♥ by Never Fall in Love.
900 points, ended December 9, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold for Gold by echo-ink.
900 points, ended January 7, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
For a Contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Genious! I liked how powerful your words were then it all summed up to "but do not call me
a martyr." That was really good and I see how you won two contests with this. -
-
Thank you
-
-
this is brilliant. i love the metaphors, and the imagery is stark. it's the best piece i have read in so long- original and powerful. and you thought this was 51%? i could kill you now.
congratz on the shiney-ies this is a gem.
-
"on a blow of mercy -"
i really don't think you need the "-" at the end ... the & speaks for itself ...
nice work
-
LOL @ Chandni's comment. Agreed.
-
"the sidewalk breathes in
stuttering gasps, glassphalt eyes
glittering up to focus -"
-loved the alliteration here, it gives this part a powerful punch.
The rest of it was stellar, too.
-
I loved the line: so I made a down payment on a blow of mercy.
This was a wonderful write.
Thanks for entering. -
I don't know how you stand arkbear.
but this is great. Especially the end.
-
Well done. The word choice in this piece is brilliant and the styling is superb. This is a very refreshing read. Thanks for sharing.
-
Definately a winner! Also very intense, full of great imagery
-
This is unrelenting, the consistant pressure like that of interrogation, all the while seeking an escape physically or psychologically. Terrific write grabbed me.
-
Hi there, and welcome to the POD!
Your poem has some wonderful imagery, a good balance of show and tell. I found myself asking a lot of questions about just what happened to this person...a little like watching a movie and being able to decide how it ends yourself.
I'd be interested in reading the longer version, but I hope you'll keep this intact as well, as it's very good IMO.
Like Neon, I'm not a fan of using & in place of "and"...Plus, I'm not sure the one in S3 is even necessary...? Something to consider in any case.
A very nice job all around. I hope to see more of you in future PO's. My scores will be in with the final notes...thank you for joining us, and good luck!
Best wishes,
~J. -
Welcome, by x--Atelophobia--x !
Supreme impact is the basis for the success of this write. Your visuals are strong, clear, and poetic. The underlying message of brutality seems almost beautiful, portrayed as it is by a remarkable choice of words.
Personally, I feel the use of '&' instead of the written word steals a bit of presentation from this write, but that is, after all, a personal opinion.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest.
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
-
I thought this was really well written with some stunning images, nothing I could say could improve the poem, pretty impressive stuff.
Well done and good luck to you,
Floorboards.
-
Hi there and welcome to the POD for me this theme is not that uncommon I must say that you need more punctuation in here. It seems like a lot said in very little space and I have times when thoughts run together. My score will appear at the end of the contest please do not edit this until the close of the contest be well.
-
Hey welcome to the POD
Your title really should be capped, so should your first word, given that you used a full stop at the end I do like your theme, very unique to me Your poem has such bleak and a somewhat stark darkness to it, which for me is a joy to see I really don't have anything to critique here, it was IMO a very good read.
There will be other judges coming soon so please do not edit until awards have been given
Scores will be sent to your host at end of judging.
Good luck
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
