Now it's witching time again,
let me seduce you with my pen.
Or at least I can but try
to gain your love before I die,
through fevered words enriched by praise,
sonnets, odes and timeless lays.
I will weave around your heart
a spell of words, a chain of art,
tying you to me forever
with a love which will not sever.
A contest entry
- Cast Me Under a Spell by StormGoddess.
700 points, ended November 10, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Well written with great flow and rhyme. Love the feelings from the words.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
Storm -
My only suggestion is that maybe you should change the title? Because it really doesn't do justice to the poem itself.Which is just powerfully beautiful especially because for some reason I can relate.
'I will weave around your heart
a spell of words, a chain of art,
tying you to me forever
with a love which will not sever.' = Lovely
Good luck with the contest! -
I loved this poem!! I thought the first two lines were weak, but after that, really good write!
-
A chara! álainn!! This surely came from a poets heart and an Irish poet at that! a seduction with sweet words.. How wonderful, I have a smile on me face after reading this! thank you fer that smile chara.
-
the relationship between reader and writer can definitely be characterized as master and slave..although it is interchangeable..reader hung on every word with hynotic enthusiasm..and writer vying for approval and acceptance..i could definitely relate to this!
-
Bill I love what you are trying to do here, but I think it would have a whole lot more power if the meter was totally regular. Your basic rhythm is iambic tetrameter, with the first line of each couplet being acephalic (missing the first beat); the first four lines establish that strong structure very firmly, alternating lines of seven and eight syllables. But then in lines 5 and 6 you reverse the order. You go back to it in lines 7 and 8; but then the final couplet has lines of ten and nine syllables - an extra syllable each to accommodate the feminine rhyme "forever - sever" would have been reasonable.
There is something wry and tongue-in-cheek in which you set out your declaration of love. It's the poem of someone who uses the pen rather than the magic wand, but who is writing in the style of an incantation - almost recalling the spell of the weird sisters in MacBeth. You're saying "This is what I WOULD do" but all the while you are saying "This is what I AM doing". It's a lovely, clever idea.
-
Perfect!!
-
Love potion # 9?
Awww!
Love's sweet nature doth set free
wings to soar eternally
upon a sky of soul borne art,
last lines to sigh adoring heart.
Happy bewitching, Bill.
-
A rhythmic, bold ode
To timeless lays,
O what a spell
Such a blast!
Especially liked the reference to chain of art
-
Magic, legerdemain!
-
Cauldrons and ladels and cocktails, o my! A witch's brew on unholy grounds where rabbits once died! LOL
Write on, bro.
Dez
-
reckon you've got a winner of a spell here Bill...well done...mal
-
well
The ladies should love this one Bill. Again your magic pen spins a great piece of poetry. And with love and wit to boot. lol
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
