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Look at me

When you look at me what do you see
Do you see a girl, with no future
The pails of tears i would've cried
the many times I've disappointed you
the mistakes I've made,
that has made you hate me

You've hate what i've become
i'm trying  to please you

I've cried several nights
to see if you really loved me
I've looked up to
In many ways

But it's always the same
You yell
I scream

Let's turn the cycle around dad
look at me
really see me

I love you
though you don't care
I've always have

Your making me smaller dad
Bringing me down in so many ways

You say you love me
You say you hate me
which is it

I can't take it dad
Your hurting me inside
My heart is bleeding

You yell
I scream

All these emotions
Your putting me down
boosting me up

I love you dad
but you'll never see me
Will you?

A contest entry

I haven't wrote in three months I think I still have a block?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    This is such a sad write. You have done an amazing job to make the reader feel what you feel in this.

    One tiny suggestion...In this stanza

    I love you
    though you don't care
    I've always have

    Last line, the way you have it worded it reads
    "I have always have...maybe take the 've off of I've or leave the have at the end off.


  • trekkergirl
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    I honestly think all kids say things like this to their parents... Hey look at me... not what you want me to be... and parents tend not to do this... you see they have these hopes and dreams that they want you to fullfill and well sometimes those hopes and dreams just don't fit in with what you want out of life. Good interesting write. I really can relate to this one totally. My mom never understood me when I was growing up... She always thought I was something totally different... and now she is glad that I am.


  • Symphony
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    This was so sad; at first I thought it was about a lover - like an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, and totally didn't see the twist coming of it being about your father.

    To be perfectly honest, I think that this was a great way of breaking out of your writer's block - you got your own honest and true to form feelings down on paper, and, from the content, it was obviously something that you NEEDED to get out of your system.

    Much better to write it all out rather than bottle it all up; it sounds like you're going through a very rough time with this, and I'm sorry for that


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    damn! this sounds like my tale with me and my father we are so much aloke hell we bump heads just the way this poem described i like this good luck to you in the contest


  • hotchocolate gold member
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done here that I enjoyed reading! Good luck

  • Aisades
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I love this

    I think many young people, and some adults can relate to this poem. Sometimes you can't please the people you want to. You must decide, what your standards are for yourself, and exceed them. Then appreciate yourself and believe in your ability. The rest comes on its own. Go cappi

  • The Rainbows Mind
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well sometimes it's the people that will not let themselves be aware of our existance that can inspire us. Thanks for entering.


  • Hannie
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awww tht was so sad......so very well written

    thanks for entering and good luck!!


  • leander Moderators member
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is quite a bit longer then what I was actually looking for. The poem has quite a sad edge to it, and I'm pretty sure that a lot of people will be able to relate what you have written here (unfortunately enough)

    Thank you for entering the contest
    I wish you all the best!
    Leander


  • Dirty and Broken
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    please tell me what u want to be in my ap family, and get back to me, or i will DQ you....and i don't want to DQ you..or anyone...


  • Freak-in-BlackJeans
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful! I can completely relate to this! This definitely is great!

    Naoto


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    welcome to the family


  • Painted Nails
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow... GREAT job... amazing piece! Thanks for entering and good luck.
    Sydney


  • Sick Sunshine
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    im confused as of how it relates to her story...

    elaborate?


  • echo-ink
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    OH! how very sad, this was heart-wrenching.
    Great jod, Love Bell, xx


  • YOtta
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I look at this poem and I see a cry of help.
    You were very successful in getting your plea across in a very heartfelt, simple manner. The way you just spoke genuinely and I feel its some what random just being yelled out of your hurting heart added so much depth to this piece.

    I hate to see small grammar mistakes in this amazing poem, I’m going to point them out for you…

    I think you meant;

    “that made you hate me” (take off the has!
    “You’ve hated what I’ve become” (since your using past tense.
    “I’ve looked up to you” (-forgot the you!

    that’s pretty much it and I did love your ending, brought down the poem to a question that summed up how you feel in one sentence and kept the readier intrigued- very smart.


  • This Is My Story
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really deep. just a tip- u might want to change your font color or your background necause its a little hard to read.


  • nite stalker
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    man, this made me cry, and wow, so deep and raw, extremely powerful


  • doesne1care
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    gosh, what a powerdful piece. i can really understand you painh your going through, i had the sam ewith my dad, the words still haunt me today ' you're a manipulative cow' 'you're lazy and bone idal' ' you treat me and you mum like shit on your shoe' 'you're so unoraginsed you wioll never get anywhere in life' 'you're jealous, and thats an awful thing to have!!!!' we shouted and argued, i am actullay having support work atm to help me overcome those hurtfull owrds that were said to me and things that were done to me.

    if u wana speak to me, im here xx


  • seven
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    now, i don't know your situation--but i read this from a parent's point of view. Usually, the parent doesn't mean for things to end up this way--it just happens. It's really sad.

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