Notes drip from crimson lips; they bleed,
drowning stagnant staccatos in impurity.
Violin-strings slice open glass veins;
guttural cries exsanguinate from shredded throats
and fall upon deaf ears, for in this madness,
the flautist has forgotten to breathe.
Rampaging orchestras rage on, aching eyes breathe
as diaphragms pulsate to the beat; guitars bleed
murderous music, further feeding conductor’s madness
smothered in their own frenzied impurity.
Violent voices caught in singers’ mangled throats
as symphonies scream through gilded veins.
Sonatas seep, infiltrating frigid veins,
and collapsed lungs struggle to breathe,
as soprano chokes, garbled lyrics lodged in her throat.
Her desperate song, so agonizingly beautiful, lies bleeding;
expelling ruby toxin, colouring spectators in shades of impurity,
which resonate within confines of madness.
Consecrated to music, inhuman madness
dances across strings, shattering veins
which erupt in chaotic cadences, spewing impurities
and stifle prima-donna’s dying breaths.
The steady thrash of power-chords finally fades, bleeding
as fermatas cling to their throats
screaming, “hold me”, sinking nails into singer‘s throats,
they hold fast; suckling infants upon the bosom of madness,
for they seek solace in silence, as their final hours bleed.
Composer grasps at staves, his masterpiece coursing through severed veins
which finally turn to dust, and soprano’s blocked arteries breathe
a sigh of relief as it settles upon his grave, impure.
At last, it is done; choruses soak the ground in impurity,
an uprising, as shrill cries escape from strangled throats
raped raw; they gasp in unison and, starving for air, they breathe.
Beethoven’s wrath subdued for the moment, evading madness
and relief floods through soprano’s chilled veins
as she coughs up her lungs, and once more, they bleed.
Impure music dies with a flick of the wrist; thus ends the madness.
Throats plagued by the surge of insanity within composer’s veins
breathe the stench of death as destruction’s decrescendo bleeds.
Author notes
Name: Laura von Awesome to you. 
Age: 22
Sex: female
Favourite genre: Dark/gothic. Sad-dark, though; not blood & guts.
Favourite form: I prefer freeverse & short-prose, but my favourite of the actual forms is the sestina, hence why I've entered this one.
Reasons I wish to succeed in this challenge: I respect people who can write well in form and meter, though I'm not one myself. I find metered-poetry to be mechanical and restrictive, and I'd like to learn how to write stuff that is actually passable. Not to mention that I absolutely adore the hostess. *obvious blackmail* 
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My attempt (and epic failure) at a Sestina.
It consists of six six-line (sestets) stanzas followed by a three-line envoy. Rather than use a rhyme scheme, the six ending words of the first stanza are repeated as the ending words of the other five stanzas in a set pattern. The envoy uses two of the ending words per line, again in a set pattern.
(my six ending words, in order, are "bleed", "impurity", "veins", "throats", "madness", and "breathe".)
First stanza, ..1 ..2 ..3 ..4 ..5 ..6
Second stanza, ..6 ..1 ..5 .. 2 ..4 ..3
Third stanza, ..3 ..6 ..4 ..1 ..2 ..5
Fourth stanza, ..5 ..3 ..2 ..6 ..1 ..4
Fifth stanza, ..4 ..5 ..1 ..3 ..6 ..2
Sixth stanza, ..2 ..4 ..6 ..5 ..3 ..1
Concluding tercet:
middle of first line ..2, end of first line ..5
middle of second line ..4, end of second line..3
middle if third line ..6, end of third line ..1
This is what I was able to make sense of using Shadowpoetry; I think it just slurped all the IQ from my brain!
First it was my kyrielle sonnet, and now this… why does all of my poetry end up music-themed?
Artist credit: “Lady of Blood” by sokolova_katarina at deviant art.
In a list
- x. form-poetry: who, me? • next in list
- i. gold. • next in list
- x. poetic challenge vii. • next in list
A contest entry
- Eyes in the Dark by XxGoldenxXDawnxX.
500 points, ended October 31, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate La-La Challenge "Auditions" by Laura Lamarca.
850 points, ended August 13, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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love it<3 dark and beautiful with luxurious phrases that captured my heart... or whatevers left of it...
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Sorry, I forgot these little guys.
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A very difficult form to do as well as you did, so hats off to you for doing this so well. While I can't add any critique here, that has not already been touched on, I felt completely engrossed in it, and couldn't help but continue reading and imagining every line of this piece, played out like a movie in my mind. In my opinion, your content was very vivid, very surreal. I wish you the best of luck in this challenge.
~Hettie
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haha i hate this form...but you handled it reasonably well. I say that because you've fallen prey to something i've done a few times without even realising-
the sizes of your stanzas gradually grew, until the ending ones were twice the size of your opening ones - it doesnt look good and can often make the sestina feel a thousand times longer than it actually is, thus losing a great deal of readers long before the fourth stanza is reached.
You've commanded your diction well throughout though and produced a write that causes your audience to think--always a necessity for a form such as this. (i dont think "flowery" or "pretty" suits the sestina form...it isn't engaging enough to keep me reading).
I'm glad you showcased this here...it allows me to know you won't grumble about anything i throw at you, should you make it through to Round 1. Thank you for entering here and i wish you luck!
Laura.
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You did a wonderful job composing this hard, direct attack on the readers mind. It's almost like a rant except the vocabulary is more intelligent. The music metaphors that weave throughout the poem are original and powerful.
Love,
Amera♥
PS. Good form; I'm the Sestina teacher here on AP
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This is really amazing!
For some reason, the word "veins" stuck out to me every time I read a stanza...I think I'm just odd :?
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You may be odd, but odd=awesome
As am I 
Thanks for the comment
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beautiful
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Congrats on the gold
Great poem. It went so fast that it was hard to keep up. Great job on such a complicated style. -
Wow this is really great.. good read.
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I love this - its so dark and descriptive - very metaphoric and poetic - very well done indeed. Thank you so much - Happy Samhain to you!
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I find sestina writing very difficult, so I always admire those who give it a go!
This reads very well and the end words do not seems forced as so often happen, great stuff
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This is simply amazing!
I loved the picture you chose to go with this poem, its stunning.
When I was done reading this I was left open mouthed and I mean this very literally. I really was left speechless.
Your metaphores are amazing.
I really would like to write like this someday (I do have a fair amount to learn.)
Took the breath out of me.
I can say this is my one of my favorites by far.
WOW so beautiful that the words just jump off the page and take on a life of their own!
Great job here.
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Amazing....simply...amazing...
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Hey
Wow you have pulled out all the stops here! So many beautiful and unique phrases. I can see now why it gave you so much trouble, very hard to do a write this long I would think. But certainly worth the read The imagery portrayed is wonderful. I like the fact you've used variants of the words, repeating the same word over is not something I am very keen on, even when the form asks for it, so to me it is a bonus you did that There really is nothing for me to do except wish you luck and leave your score. Good luck
Score: 99.2
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You, my deary are much too hard on yourself. I am glad that you selected such a form that tested your mind and your patience. It also showcases your natural talent. As Bear stated, this form is very "unclearly" explained... but you perfected this.
One tip: CRIMSON is the UPMOST "overused" and Cliche words on this site. Much lower level than your work. I would take Bear's advice and edit that first line... it takes part of your brillance from the poem as a whole.
You have really stunned me with this poem. It is truly remarkable. Hands down, it is your best that I have read so far
I am glad you struggled a bit... because it truly shows us that you have what it takes... and the struggle is not at all apparent in your piece!
WELL DONE!
Good luck in the judging!
Mel
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I agree on the crimson... Lol, but it is a beautiful word; I'm upset that it's so overused now
Thanks for the non-failing grade
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Hello
Check your order of words.....throats madness & breathe
Ok.....my first impression......absolutely stunning work ~
The Sestina is one of the Forms which put your mind to the test of patience......I can see your talent coming out in your last tercet.....as sometimes, there is a mixed opinion on how they should be done, as it has never been clear for centuries, on exactly how to choose your last thoughts taken from Form ~
Over-all, I fiond this Sestina full of effort and most beautiful in Theme......you have also taken your picture Prompt and perfected another masterpiece ~
There are so mmany lines which are maind-blowing....but this has to be my fav..>>>
At last, it is done; choruses soak the ground in impurity,
an uprising, as shrill cries escape from strangled throats
raped raw; they gasp in unison and, starving for air, they breathe.
Beethoven’s wrath subdued for the moment, evading madness
and relief floods through soprano’s chilled veins
as she coughs up her lungs, and once more, they bleed.I beleive your very first line is my least fav.....very cliche"
I am in awe of this beauty......good luck and God bless you.....your score shall be sent to your Host ~
Bear ~
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The word-order! Thanks for pointing that out! It was like 3 am and I was tired, not to mention that my brain took a beating with that form
Your favourite line is mine also; you're right, the first line is boring, but it worked as a lead-in for the next sentence. As I said to Mel, I love the word crimson; but all the whiny emo-poems have overused and killed it Anyway, thanks for the review
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There is no failure here!
you have attempted a form that is new to you and succeeded, I think.
I had to read how this form goes myself and from what I see you got it mastered. Your dark theme is what i had hoped to see, and I love it.
The only thing I found wrong was the use of the word "impure" over "impurity" I think you really should have stuck to using one word.
My score
97
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
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Hello there!
In the example on Shadowpoetry, the poem uses variants of the original words, so I thought I'd do the same. Hope that clears that up
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You have to win a prize for this, just for completing the form! This is full throttle imagery! Beautifully done! Geo
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You may well hate forms Laura but this is an awesome read. Its by no means a failure though I agree shadow poetry is mind-mushing for its form write ups. I find it well confuddling. You did brill there!!!
Good luck poet
Jem x
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whoa this is right mind boggling! lots of poetic terms
this looked complicated to write! hope your brains oki *pets your brain* love you lor lor!
all my love
kitty xxx -
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tell me about it! my brain is officially mush!
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It looks like that. this is harder then mine
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I hate forms!
*pouts*
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