I sat upon the saw-teeth
wringing handkerchief hands
Mated weave in abstract non-cohesion
like patchwork of margin phrases
It was a flower blooming like fresh road-kill
spread across a freeway ribbon.
I suppose I wear worry like a tattoo
drawing awkward glances from shoe tied eyes
as they huddle like penguins
against the heathen dark that is me,
shattered ambits personality
like a fist wrapped in pillow talk
when six cruelly curdles to manufacture eight.
There are regrets that hide
between spaces of seconds
melded like reclaimed glass
into a chimera of age and memories
and I wonder how many regrets
it takes to fill a sigh.
A contest entry
- Your Best Lines by Danna Hobart.
390 points, ended October 19, 2008, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honest Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I suppose I wear worry like a tattoo
drawing awkward glances from shoe tied eyes
as they huddle like penguins
against the heathen dark that is me
Tons of flavor packed into this
Congrates on the gold
-
Those are cool phrases!
"It was a flower blooming like fresh road-kill
spread across a freeway ribbon."
that's my favorite. It made me smile.
-
I have read this several times over different days, at first I was in smile/only/applaud mode and thought no , I will revisit when I can write what I find within little lines of fractured poetry rather than simply smile/smile simply.
Then I read again and wrote a rambling comment and deleted before posting for it was like a camp of Cub Scouts that had many troops but had lost much of their survival equipment ( stay with me Col ) ie " two tents"
If this is how you create Jigsaw Poetry, taking pieces of other picture poetry, making them fit with complete ease to form a new picture, then it is , to me, superb.
I never paused but paced each piece of crazy paving
Kudos
-
You have assembled quite the string of pearls here, and highlighted with your Hope Diamond of poetics -
"and I wonder how many regrets
it takes to fill a sigh."
- effin brilliant!
-
Brilliant, I need not say anthing else
Jazzy
-
It was a flower blooming like fresh road-kill
spread across a freeway ribbon.
I love this image and the way it is worded.
as they huddle like penguins
This is a brilliant simile. I am jealous of it.
like a fist wrapped in pillow talk
I am jealous of this one too.
Your last line is brilliant as well. I am very impressed. Thanks so much for entering this contest. -
My God, this is wonderful,and just snippets at that. Best of luck to you.
♥
whisper
-
"and I wonder how many regrets
it takes to fill a sigh."
A whole lifetime of them.
amazing set of lines, though
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
