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Cat & Beer

I'm telling you that mouse is here,
Hidden amongst those cans of beer.
I chased him down the hall from outside,
And then he wriggled in here to hide.
Can't you see that hole beneath
The logo; nibbled by his teeth.
If you asked me, I would advise,
To let me in, to his demise.
Although, I'll warn you in advance,
I may not find him with a glance.

Though I'll drink your beer,
The mouse will pay,
For then I'll find out in which can,
He's hidden away.

Author notes

Still not 100% happy with the last verse. Any comments / constructive critique appreciated.

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    October 15, 2008
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    Ahh it's so cute, and an excellent take on the picture!!

  • nimbus2506
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This made me laugh :)

    Gotta love VB
    This is a great poem
    Keep up the good work
    Do you have VB in Ireland? =P


  • storiesuntold gold member
    October 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    So funny

    I have a bobtail cat and he gets in every box and loves to sleep under my rugs they are so funny


  • KyleBerg gold member
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haha! this is really funny.
    I think that cat needs Alcoholics Anonymous... and maybe a trip to the Animal Mental Hospital if it's seeing mice that aren't actually there
    I have to agree that the last verse doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest of it but still well done!
    good luck in the contest


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is cute!! I really like how you wrote this piece!!Its very excellent!! This is a fantabulous write!! Well done!! I love your details and escription!! This is so great sis!!! I love it!!


    • Symphony
      October 7, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      thanks im glad you liked it! Humour isn't usually my forte in writing but I like to try my hand at it now and then. You should put in an entry too! Especially as you're a catperson!


  • FallenHero
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    AMAZING

    This was awesome. It was in all honestly great. I loved it. The image was perfection. I wouldn't change a thing if i were you. Like its something i would expect to see in a book. lol. you did an amazing job the rhyming was exceptional and the flow was magnificent. I must say that I'm honestly impressed. This was superb, lol, it made me laugh to. I really enjoyed this one. Excellent job.

    • Symphony
      October 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks dude Although I had a great picture prompt to work with! Do you have any suggestions for the final stanza? think I need to cut words; but with the same meaning....


  • YoursTrulyJulie gold member
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for your entry. Good luck

1 - 9 of 9