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woman

Missing image

She could recite
the alphabet beautifully;
catch a curve and paint
the edges red.

She could leash your ankles
with a strand of auburn
as she dabbled amongst
the mist where only
the stars hid.

She could wear bare skin
in the rosiest shade,

but you’d be the one
laying naked in her gaze.

Author notes

Inspired by the image Think Different

option number 11.

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • jinglingjoy
    February 7

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    wow

    Silverscent

    understandibly that you won gold for this. each picture in words - carresses the picture that inspired the words!

    again - wonderfully done

    jingle


  • Dalaney gold member
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My New Years Resolution is to read all of your wonderful poems. I'm getting a head start

    Love, Lane


  • Joseph Hollis
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You're right. The title is entirely irrelevant. The body of the poem stands alone. This is a stunning write filled with powerful imagery. Well written.


  • usefuldistraction
    November 23, 2008

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    Ooh, had to read another before leaving, This is splendid, Superior word choices, imagery, and your close is magnificent. I'm taken by this powerful tribute. Perfectly titled. You seem to know yourself!

  • ElectricBloom
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful.
    Amazingly written.
    I love it, and I really like the picture too btw ^.^
    Fantastic word choice, gorgeous imagery.
    I wish I could pick some favourite lines, but I honestly love the whole think.

    Thank you, I truly enjoyed reading this.

    ElectricBloom


  • Cavca
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful! I honestly cannot think of anything to say about this except perhaps that you might be able to come up with a better title, but even while part of me says that, another part of me defends it avidly. I really love this. Thank you. Good luck. Thanks for entering.


    • silverscent gold member
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I was unsure originally about the title. But I told myself the reason I called it "woman" in the first place is to show the subtlty of her power over other people, especially the opposite sex. The fact she is a woman, is her most important and powerful quality, but also her most simple quality.
      See, I'm torn by the same issue regarding the title, but I figured, it's the poem that is most important and if I can't decide a title I could do what many past poets have done and leave the title as "untitled" or "#276."

      Thanks for your comment, it really means a lot that you liked it.

  • SoulWhispher
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well Done

    This is a most well written poem that flows most beautifully, you have the ability to capture the mind of the reader with your words, great Job, John


  • Leonura
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a beautiful write, treasure to be found here. Words that seemed to just flow from the screen. a truly wonderful poem.

  • copper29
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. I love the twist in the last two lines, though my favorite part is definitely:

    "She could leash your ankles
    with a strand of auburn
    as she dabbled amongst
    the mist where only
    the stars hid."

    The only thing I would change is the last word, from glance to gaze, but that's mostly personal preference.

    As for the title, neither "Woman" nor "Red" appeal to me. Actually, what comes into mind is "Tamed." It's sort of a paradox in how the reader expects a tamed woman from the first stanza, but by the end, she's the one in control


  • arafura gold member
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent. I'm not sure it could be improved much from what it is. Well done!

1 - 11 of 11