There was a hole in my chest,
and through it
the world turned in apathy.
I looked at your face and I saw
your eyes twitch;
the iris expanding to a void.
I tried to speak to you but
you just looked past me like something
is supposed to be on the other side.
But I forced apart the fence
you built,
to run from the world.
I saw your eyes open and devour me-
they flared with jaded contentment.
From the air leaving my lungs
you heard my voice sing you a song
and the words blurred into melody,
You smiled naively
and I knew you weren't listening.
My eyes fluttered with insomnia,
And my nerves peeled in revolt
to the tyranny of the presence
of your face and your skin and my skin
burned in my brain.
A mockery of your blithe
next to my violation.
You invaded my thoughts
with such clarity and stain
when I didn’t even know you’d been there
at all
let alone the chokehold
you’ve had me in.
and I remember the cold;
innocent yet paralyzing with
uncertain vulgarity
and I saw your eyes-
when you were found out
as I fell to the floor with a dumb,
blank smile cut across my face.
Even then I knew I’d be alright.
Author notes
It will not...it does not affect me. I will win.
A contest entry
- prewrites, come and get them by Ryno.
638 points, ended November 24, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me hope, tell me about Abuse. by Cyanide Dreams.
1500 points, ended January 25, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Very powerful and creative. I liked this poem muy much. The emotion was strong and by the end of the poem I felt hopeful. Thank you and good luck with the contest.
-
I liked your epic, creative, strong toned take on an overwriten topic.
You really took us on a wild, adventurous ride to what you were feeling, the situation you were in and how you we going about it -truly, this shows storylines in poetry, and personal emotion lingering.
My only tips may be to fiddle with you capitilization... in some places, words are randomly upper case or lower case and it really takes a toll on the flow and as far as I can see was unneeded in the emphasis of the piece.
Also, you may want to consider tweaking your title and finishing line - I found them not as strong as the rest of the piece - so therefore the ending was a little bit of a letdown and the title didn't portray
the power of your piece. -
feeling it
~prewrites, come and get them -
powerful talented amazing
wow! intense, powerful piece. very talented word choice and rhythm. "you invaded my thoughts with such clarity and stain" <-- those words are powerfully and leave a lasting fingerprint on my soul & heart. and i feel the pain, knowingly...
many blessings *stomps
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