You absorb me
Completely
Totally
With all your soul
With each caress
I feel something new release within
Each night
Contorting
Trying
to fit
in the
se tin
y beds
And at the end
Satisfied sleeping
in your
subdued substance-free
hall
Knowing I'll
awake to your arms around me
A contest entry
- History Books Forgot about Us (And the Bible Didn't Mention Us.) by They Say Shannon.
600 points, ended November 27, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Romance Calvalcade by piccola.
900 points, ended August 3, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A lovely entry, in which I like very much. Suggestion: L12 and L13,"se tin
y beds" -?? You might think on editing those two lines, as to me, they did not make sense. I thank you for your entry and good luck.
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Ah sorry for the confusion, it's supposed to be continued from before. "Trying to fit in these tiny beds." is how that should read. I was experimenting with the format, trying to get it to coincide with the content.
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I like the emptiness of the piece up until the end, where it sort of says,
"you're my savior."
Because I know we all feel like we need someone to be there for us when we don't have anything to get us through.
I'm sorry though, but you have to be DQ'd because you didn't put your name in the authors notes like I asked.
Nice job though, and thanks for entering. <3
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