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Reminiscing of Young Love

Back in a day where love was so strong
When everyday I would walk just to be in your arms.
Even though our time together would be cut short
It was worth an hours walk for a fifteen minute escort.

At school we were always a flirt in and between classes,
Like when I stole your binder and when you knocked off my glasses.
I still recall the hug I should’ve taken after that same incident
And when I asked you out but you knew due to a nameless idiot.

My love for you started in that same cold November.
I can’t say the exact date, but I’m sure you remember.
But as fate would have it I would soon be expelled,
But this only helped for our love to excel.

Sneaking out at nights and having to walk the 45 minutes
Just to come up to your condo and steal your kisses.
And when I got caught, it seemed like the end of the world.
But I would still sneak out just to see you, my babygirl.

Skipping through fields, our hearts up ahead,
I should’ve kept the daisies you gave me, though now dead.
It was still a cute gesture, those flowers in my pocket,
And even cuter still when you continued but I say stop it.

I remember bumming smokes in Titlow off the locals,
And when you were too shy to use your own vocals.
I felt embarrassed to ask for another cigarette from the same gent,
But he gave it to me anyway when I said it was for my girlfriend.

Do you remember the flower I picked to give to you?
I know it was kind of cheesy, but what else could I do?
You still loved the gesture and how I went out of my way
Oh, and how your smile always seemed to brighten my day.

I reminisce about these memories almost every second.
And I ponder if you do the same but now I’m second-guessing.
I can’t be sorry for all pain and the harm I’ve inflicted on you,
But I still regret the things I did; those days I wish I could relive through.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • OldBear34 silver member
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good Idea!

    I would suggest that the use of proper punctuation would improve the flow of the story. It seems strange to me that you seem to have conflicting thoughts regarding the relationship. Reggret is expressed, yet "I can't be sorry for all the pain I've inflicted on you" with no explanation. I want to know why?


    • kermie4201
      October 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well as far as the punctuatio goes, I really don't use it. It is just the way that I write and how I have been taught. But for the sakeof the contest, I will fix it. And for the other matter, a person can only be truly sorry if he/she didnt know what they were doing, do you know what I mean? It's a concept that I highly believe in.