johnny kept a look out.
dot was
a twenty dollar girl
3 times that night
wings above a field
sometimes you have to pay for things
johnny says
chaos in the pockets
of his ravaged jeans.
In a list
A contest entry
- ugly love by Cat.
2750 points, ended October 24, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I like this. Did I comment already? Oh well. Johnny's keeping a lookout for the whore Dot
he probably has fallen in love with her
She gave it to him three times in one night -- all for the one time price.
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Someone down there says the title's good and the poem's not up to scratch. The title's probably good becuase it's mostly stealonstolen from Mr Dickens and well... Dickens was pretty good wasn't he? Fraid I know the bleak house roots but I ain't seen the Gershe play of your title so I fink well I is probably missing a hell of a load in the pome. Nice how the straightforward, detatched tone chimes of the chaos. Lovely clash. Fink I will watch the movie. I certainly hope there's ravaged jeans. I don't get the wings bit.
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metamorphising the tramp and the dollar man... all rolled up and ready to smoke
- sounds like a night out on swann street with all the bad boys and girls.. angeline on the prowl purrrrrr 
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I enjoyed the set up... of course it took me to my old job and how i can relate to that image of johnny as a look out.
the title with the use of dot... reminds me of a street slang word for a drug...and yet then dot could just be a good whore. lol.. but i tend to lean more towards the drugs aspect-- but that is just me...I liked the line wings above a field and having to pay for things... reminds me of trying to be elsewhere and the grit and shame and trying to accept all of it --when really you dont, but you do...
this just reminds me of a moment on X lol... the sex raw and unleashed.
hope i havent offended in where i went..
This was a great entry for this contest. Thank you for taking the time! I appreciate it and enjoyed where it took me.
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i am probably way off
but with each read i see the butterfly as a tramp stamp
poor johnny
could be dot was acid
but then that wouldn't really fit the bill..
interesting poem. i like.
m
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One prefers the seat out of their pants sometimes, it makes invasive techniques unnecessary.
MM
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lute,
the title is wonderful, the poem: not up to your usual standard. i think there's a wonderful poem to be born by your title ("when" holds so much power as a word transporting meaning to the following lines) and the "wings above---" stanza.
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can't go wrong with that unlimitless interpretationism
don't know about "ravaged jeans"
maybe torn trousers or plaid pantaloons
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good job
i like the unlimitless interpretation of your work
so many meanings
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This is a very thought provoking write eith a good rhythm i like it thanks
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This is a very thought provoking write eith a good rhythm i like it thanks
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This is truly disgusting and low!! You did a wonderful job portraying this piece!! Excellent details and descriptions!! You did a marvelous job!!
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This is nasty, and hollow and empty... echoing in the short couple of lines. I absolutely love it! Fabulous job on this filthy write!
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keepin it short but its very creative
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nice. took me a minute, don't ask me why, but I like it. My friend here wonders to if Dot is a metaphor for acid, but I don't know, I'm thinking just a hooker, could you add any insight to that?
And very nice poems, I like the write and how you set it up.
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you call that ugly love?
it's only cheap
I advice you to calculate how much a wife costs
and it ain't even poetry only headache
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this made me think of all my lil johnny jokes. lol.
Loved the last line.
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Who's your typist?
You have always been able to be filthy without filthy words.
twenty dollar girl
3 times that night
and
chaos in the pockets
of his ravaged jeans
good stuff.
I wasn't sure of the line brake between
sometimes you have to pay for things
and johnny says
but I've played with it a few times and you know, I think it is the best place. sorta ads all that pause and ragged timing when you read it.
so much behind these words.
yeah yeah yeah good luck in the contest and all.
Lisa
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Funny you use that title on this, because it makes me think of love like butterflies that is soft and willingly given, then you read on and find the ugliness within the beauty, much like real life occurs depending on how wide you are looking at it. Sometimes you have to pay for things and sometimes you end up with things you don't need...
C
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