A smile so sweet
A face so pure
Hair so neat
With dimples galore
A perfect mask
Kept in place
She looked on task
A misguiding face
Outside she glows
Content and care-free
But inside she knows
She's unwanted to be
A slap in the night
A small cry of pain
It just isn't right
It just isn't sane
But the smile stays
Perfect in place
Tears at bay
With unrelenting grace
But the darkness keeps growing
The scars now emmense
With no one ever realizing
Their menacing presense
Her smile faulters
Lessening day by day
But not a soul aquires
A single word to say
The final slap
The last intake of breath
She falls slowly, as to nap
In a form known as death
Now she's never again to snuggle
Never again to hug
She's never again to chuckle
Never again...to love
Author notes
OPTIONS:
1. PICTURE INSPIRATION:
15) http://er0k.deviantart.com/art/death-is-33291750
This picture really reminded me of this poem - to me, it was how the gravestones were there, signaling death, but also the birds, flying overhead. To me they symbolized how everything has a little edge in it (they weren't exactly cute fluffy birds), but how they still fly and take wing during the hardest of times. Life goes on, even when it's at a standstill.
A contest entry
- RHYMING TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG!!!!!! by cbsbecm88.
550 points, ended November 29, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want The Best of Pre Writes by theredcatjazzoflove.
700 points, ended November 25, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything and everything, just entertain me by Luciferschild.
800 points, ended January 27, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Over 100 Options and everyone needs to enter! by joleahe.
550 points, ended November 20, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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good poem but the word choice was a bit cliche besides that it was good, thank you for entering and good luck
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very nice son here rhyming in your own way i think you happen to have did a very great awesome job on this here good luck to you in the contest hon
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Thank you so much! =D
~Mariah!~
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i have already commented on this but...
Title-9.5 beautiful!
Flow-9.5 amazing flow!
Rules-9 tsk tsk! 3 lines over!
Creativity-9.5 you put your own spin on it!
Song-9 great pick!
Total-46.5
great job!
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thanxooos Catherine! =D and I'm very sorry about breaking your rules =[ *sniffle* lol
~Mariah!~
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Great job with this! You really told your story well. My only comment would be that "Concrete Angel" is by Martina McBride, not Sarah McLachlan...but that has nothing to do with the quality of this piece. Great job, and good luck in the contest!
~Robby~
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wha..OMG! lolol. thank you for pointing that out =D and also thank you for the wonderful comment. =D
~Mariah!~
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this is so good! i love it! i flows perfectly and it has really good emotion! i'll give you some claps!
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Holy cow, Mariah. This is great! It's so sad...I love it! It's really beautiful.
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This is ... amazing. I'm also, equally in all. What everyone said times a billion. No, a trillion! I want more this, Mariah! It's completely beautiful and perfection on my internet browser!
Amazing. And I understand whatcha mean- that is like the most SAD song i've ever heard. i was crying during this...
SPECTACULAR JOB!
*claps like a billion times*
~BEFF
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Mariah,
You've been holding out on the people of AP. Your talent at writing is so good! I agree with former commenter Kara, this is an excellent piece of work. I believe you should pursue writing, it is very healthy for you and also enjoyable. There is, however, one thing that bothers me. What even occurred to make you write such a beautiful, yet depressing, poetry? Oh well, just curious. Happy penning!
~Whit -
*blinks a few times*
"God, remind me how to breath, would ya?"
Holy...wow. Just Holy.
Okay, I'm trying to get over my awe...
4th Line: 'dimples'; made me chuckle. Cute. Great start to a poem.
2nd Stanza: puzzled look on face..."Mariah?"
3rd Stanza: got the point that it's not a honkey-dorey poem.
Rest: wow. You 'slapped' me in the face with this poem...honestly, I never knew you had it in you...& now that you've proven to me that you have 54268275732 times more than what I thought, I'm going to ride you about it for a few centuries or so.
Okay, can you listen to a million other songs a million times!?!?!? I WANT MORE!!!!!
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