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I Am Alive

Although I have died
I am with you, my friend
I am not truly dead
I will live until the end

My heart has stopped beating
I have laid down my head
My breathing has ceased
But I am not truly dead

I live on in your hearts
After my last breath
I am still quite alive
Even in my death

I will be with you always
There's no need to grieve
I will never leave you
This, you must believe

I may have left earth
And gone to a better place
But my place is in your heart
And cannot be erased

And I linger in your memories
The ones you won't forget
Every single good time
The times you won't regret

And although you may miss me
Just remember what I have said
Because I will always be with you
And I am not truly dead

Author notes

to my Uncle Dave
~cbsbecm88

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • LunaAmara
    January 31
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great write. It's a wonderful take on death. Full of emotion and sentiment.


  • new born
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    I'm guessing option 5?
    This is a beautiful poem. I love the sentiment and wording. Great job and good luck.

  • Leiko-chamma
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    Really nice It is a beautiful piece


  • Kathraina silver member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is a lovely piece of work. Thank you for sharing. Great job, and good luck in the contest you have a good chance of winning.

    ♥ Kathraina


  • FallenFromGrace1102
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the way you wrtoe this it was a beautiful write. keep up the awesome work. I wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. I really liked the lines:

    "I will be with you always
    There's no need to grieve
    I will never leave you
    This, you must believe"

    *~*bee*~*

  • poets whisper silver member
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nice job. I know it is sad, but the rhyme and flow are really good. Thank you for the time and the entry


  • Scion
    October 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Scoring:
    R-9 S-8.7
    T-8.8 U-8.6
    Th-8.5 G-8.5
    Total-52.1

  • Scion
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am assuming by the author notes, that you actually meant this from your Uncle Dave? (playing his part) Or am I to believe that you are dead?
    It's not that this part comes down to the substance of the poem, but I simply wanted to bring it to light.

    I can see why you chose this as your favorite. I see a very caring and poetic side of you. Your poem suggests that your writing style is not pedantic in any way, but is rather humble and matter-of-fact. I do enjoy this aspect of the poem, but it also reveals a bit of repetition. You use a little too much of the same imagery and rhyme throughout the entirety of the poem. I think if you re-worded a few areas and put a bit more of conceptual emotion into this, it would really take a turn towards the magnificent. Cheers, I quite enjoyed the read.


    • cbsbecm88
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yes, i am writing this as if i wwas my uncle dave. thanks for the advice! but i don't think i will change this...i gave it to my aunt for her birthday and i like it the way it is just because this is just about the way i originally wrote it and it's very close to my heart and means a lot to me...thanks!


  • Joy.To.The.World
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good poem. I enjoyed the way the words flowed in my mind when i read it


  • Shannon62875
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    OMG!!!

    WOW!!! THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT POEM... MADE ME CRY THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH!!! MY FRIEND DIED THE OTHER DAY AND I JUST WROTE A POEM ABOUT IT AND EVERYTHING I WAS SAYING... JUST GOT ANSWERED!!! I MEAN WOW... ITS LIKE HE MEANT FOR YOU TO SEND ME THIS POEM!!!! AND IT EXPLAINED SO MUCH... IM SPEECHLESS... I LOVE THIS POEM!!!! I BAWLED MY EYES OUT THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH!!!

    VERY VERY VERY VERY GOOD WORK!!!


    Shannon*Leah


  • Hannie
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very loving poem...thanks heaps for entering

    But my place is in your heart
    And cannot be erased

    i really loved those lines

    Good luck!!


  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very inspiring and well-written. I hope this gave some comfort to the person you wrote it for.

  • jamiehagi
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem. You can tell its really written from the heart. It does make me sorta sad though

1 - 14 of 14