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Self Improvements

I ignored

the crunch of roaches
as we rolled with laughter

on the bloody bed

and
brushed the ants from your forehead
as you pleasured me.
But when the French kiss
that felt so electric
was a roundworm

and not your tongue,
I reluctantly admitted
your corpse does not really
improve lovemaking from

when you were alive,
it just moves more,
complains less
and smells better.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Love dies in the strangest ways.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Cat gold member
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love the tie in with the title to the piece
    and the first line is great- killer actually. the idea of the piece is original
    i do think it falls into a sense of over-explaining especially at "from when you were alive"

    i think you could say
    fucking your corpse has not improved your lovemaking
    except that i moves more...etc..

    i love the inclusion of the roundworm which sort of explains the scenario that we
    are reading but not quite comprehending..
    the round worm is your sort of
    aha! moment.. and i love a good aha moment..

    this is good.. very glad to find it here

    m


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ''I ignored
    the crunch of roaches
    as we rolled with laughter
    on the bloody bed
    and
    brushed the ants from your forehead
    as you pleasured me.''

    ok.. i think this is one of the few entered where the start is incredibly strong with ugly. A rotting love fest is starting, i think....

    ''But when the French kiss
    that felt so electric
    was a roundworm
    and not your tongue,
    I reluctantly admitted
    your corpse does not really
    improve lovemaking from
    when you were alive,
    it just moves more,
    complains less
    and smells better.''

    and well omg.. lol.. i was right I have to say that the image of roundworm was brilliant..

    Though i sit here and feel all metaphoric lol... almost like this isnt litterally fucking a dead person but a relationship that is dead-- one is dead to the other in spirit and oh how lovely sick and twisted this thought is. Well that is where i went. I loved the almost fuck you to the last three lines-- like if you were dead i would enjoy fucking you more than you being alive now...

    thank you for this entry to our contest. It was very strong, origional and twisted






  • silverfish
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i believe this will become the gold standard of ugly love. -muglyfish

1 - 5 of 5