I am the blurred reflection of your soul
A cracked mirror, only part of the whole
Taking your joy, fear, and pain for my own
Hollow inside a defective clone
Apathetic to what people label as traumatic
They agonize about why I am so enigmatic
Lacking in substance, I'm only outlined
Beginning to worry I'm out of my mind
With nothing to reflect, I’m invisible when alone
Always indifferent, no emotion shown
Author notes
A rather old poem, any feedback would be lovely
A contest entry
- 2 year anniversary! by bananasfoster42.
525 points, ended October 27, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by AboveApathy.
385 points, ended October 20, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by leander.
730 points, ended November 30, 2008, 147 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I don't know what to think anymore. by ninja girl 418.
850 points, ended December 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? I'm still working on this and would like to refine it much more.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I'm not really sure since I'm not really a form writer, but is this a sonnet?
Anyway, I like how you rhymed here. definitely not pedestrian rhyme - but more advanced. And though I'm not a rhymer myself, I appreciate such kind of writes...
Thank you for entering the contest!
Leander -
oh my- this is a piece of pure gold! I can connect so much with what you are saying-- "taking your joy, pain, fear for my own". Thank you for this wonderful addition to my contest... You are a very talented writer.
luck and love,
Wesley
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this is a great write. for real, i love it! thanks for the entry
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Nice job. I like the rhyme and the feeling this gives off. thank you for entering
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Honestly, I think this is really good as it stands. The rhythm and wording (thoughts) flow very well together. I did trip up on the last two lines a bit... maybe it just needs a little more added to even it out. Not sure. But you are missing an "h" in nothing.
Your first two lines are wonderful, my favorites.
Let me know if you revise, I'll come back.
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I like this piece a lot. Can feel the "emotion" that is the indifference, and I liked the rhyming a lot. Rhyming words like "enigmatic" and "traumatic" make for a far more interesting poem than the same old "he/she" "love/dove" type rhymes. Nice write.
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I love your rhythm i find it almost intoxicating in a good way like it jsut envelops you into the poem. That was a wonderful poem, i think maybe if you use more specifics about a situation it will make it less normal and more incredible than it already is.....keep up the writes and i'll keep reading...scars.
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