troubadour sings
heroic tales of distant woods,
fledglings flown in seasons past
lie dead in winter's field
he carries sorrow
in hollow bone
Author notes
prompt: sparrow
In a list
A contest entry
- sparrow by Saffron.
900 points, ended November 7, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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this poem comes alive to me as i read it, amazing wording and the images so clear, keep it flowing and congrads on the HM
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thank you, what a lovely comment
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I do love where the prompt took you in this contest--and I particularly adore "he carries sorrow in hollow bone". That imagery is really clear, and I do love the metaphor you have used in this creative jewel.
Thank you for writing for this contest--it makes me smile to see this here.
Saffron
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thank you
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Wonderfully tight piece of writing and great application of metaphor here. Well done!!
~ Nicolette
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What's to revise? Great verse in so short words!
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simply succulent
jingle -
You know, I've read your poetry in several contests that I've held, and also in contests held by poets that I frequent often. You are strong with metaphor, stronger than I see myself, really, I love where you took this sparrow.... great take on the prompt.
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thanks, that means a lot coming from a poet i admire so much
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so diffrent of mine...yet so you in your luminosity and profound imagery...such talent to be admired
mal
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thnks, sweetie
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Excellent!! This is truly incredible!!!
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this is simply breathtaking....deep in a twisted form...
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This is so very powerful, and evokes images seemingly without effort. Real poetry.
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thank you
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this was a great imagery hypnotize are we in the beauty of your poetry's presense. THis beautiful imagery you wrote was simple yet a symbol or personified as someone taking their past and burying it. A very nice comparison to some beautiful imagery. I never saw a animal like that burrying a log which adds a sense of interest or understanding or if not one can say this was metaphorically deep when real the action here was something a litle awe. Clever idea simple comparison as like someone diging pictures and burying it in or buring my past depicted in an ovious form.
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wow
it's great
a good poet is one that can effect the reader even with a minimal amount of words, great work [:
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Great take on the sparrow prompt! Can't believe you didn't win any more... Short, but there's a lot of thought there. Sorrowful piece, but I love how you depicted the sparrow as a troubadour. Amazing job.
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thanks
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Since people call me "Sparrow" I felt inclined to read the entries in this contest. This one was my favorite. Good luck.
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thank you
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You are welcome. I hope you win.
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Suggestion for punctuation, as requested:
"fledglings flown in seasons past
lie dead in winter's field;
he carries sorrow
in hollow bone."
However, I really don't think you need worry about punctuation; this piece stands on its own quite well without a "frame" of editing technique &/or requirements. Your words whisper so softly, bearing such a feathery message of mortality, of humanity. I especially like your chosen title. It's quite visual, vivid & visceral. So many secrets can be tucked into small, layered spaces. Good luck in the contest, my Friend. Just write from your heart, soul, your GUT; trust your instincts, even when you might suspect they're trying to lead you astray ~ instincts literally preserve us, become our saving graces. I'm living proof of it. 
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Thanks Wanda...i don't know what i was thinking ?? by that request but of course your suggestion is perfect. the only thing i can think of is maybe ?? my request was supposed to go with a piece of prose i have posted , especially since i used the word paragraph, lol. Thank you so much for the beautiful words of encouragement...those are appreciated.
now...i better go check my prose piece!!
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~he carries sorrow
in hollow bone~ This is so freaking good. D@mm!
Joe
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like a sparrow on heroine
with narrowing veins
swallowing southerly pines
with greener needles
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