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You Gaze In Splendour

YOU  GAZE  IN  SPENDOUR

 

You gaze in splendour of this night

Of slipping sun and starlit skies;

And what is true of shade and light

Meld in your face and mirrored eyes;

So, hand-in-hand, through cornfields bright,

we murmur softly, whispered sighs:

I love you, love you, love you.

 

Stand still, my love, for gallant glow

This precious moment  proves your grace

Wherein all lovely smiles now flow

And beauties blush upon your face;

Here, pause, reflect on night’s sweet show,

How trembling fingers reach, retrace:

I love you, love you, love you.

 

And your white blouse builds round each breast

In silhouette, so tinctured thus;

Your smiles, your figure, all are blessed

By Nature’s impulse, calm … less fuss.

This loveliness breathes rest

Upon twinned souls; the two of us:

I love you, love you, love you.

Author notes

Fresh Romantic poetry!!! In Poetic FORM and RHYME: Byronic Lyrical form with an added refrain by me.
 Romantic love between two people is required by the contest-holder.
This is a love lyric. [Each stanza is made up of iambic tetrameters with a rhymed pattern of ababab, etc. and each is a sestet with an echoic refrain.]  

A contest entry

Please critique.

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    October 24, 2008

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    This would make the sweetest love song! Beautifully done! and this the twinned souls and the bubblyness of this words is what make love's odour as sweet as a rose's.

    Thank you for entering!
    Becks


  • Susan John Francis
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and calm...


  • camus gold member
    October 8, 2008

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    The skill of a master-craftsman lies in his ablity to write in complicated form and imagery while the intelligent reader barely notices this intensity behind the external beauty. There is a carefully constructed balance that gently weaves all the complexity together. The rhyme too is impressive in its originality and aptness, reinforcing the poem's romantic themes and mood.


    • Lyndon gold member
      October 13, 2008
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      I am, here, my rhyming alter ego. I am a free verse poet at another account and at yet another, I run a large Group account.

      I therefore apologize in not getting back to remarks on this page sooner.
      Thank you very much for noting the swan on top and the paddling beneath the surface.
      You HAVE rated this small poem highly and I am flattered. Thank you again. Ron.


  • myrataal silver member
    October 7, 2008

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    Timeless, Thorough, Tenderly Enticing ...

    with the refrain stirring memories in its rhythm ... A soft intimacy, enclosed and enhanced by cleverly sensual, alliterative sounds. Well done, my friend. Loved this so.

    Myra


    • Lyndon gold member
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Myra

      It is beautiful for you to say so. Yes, I did work at vowel sounds and sibilance, trying hard not to over-do that.
      Thank you.


  • ronnica
    October 6, 2008

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    Pure romance and poetry. I liked the mood and the picture created, "How trembling fingers reach, retrace: so gracefully done.


    • Lyndon gold member
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Fellow compatriot

      and almost namesake ( )
      thank you for enjoying the little poem above. Ron.

1 - 9 of 9