A strangled bird sits beak agape
on its perch on the roof
and points the wind's way.
Sometimes I hear it scream
in the quiet of the night
when it knows she is
prowling nearby.
She doesn't come for love.
That's not why she leaves
an old man's bed and walks
beside the chill waters.
Only lust would keep her
from the feathered comfort
of her stolen bed.
Tonight she will feed and drink.
Tomorrow she will return
to her other victim.
We both have roles to play
that old man and I.
We are both prey,
in our own special ways.
Bis pueri senes
A contest entry
- ugly love by Cat.
2750 points, ended October 24, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Excellently strange.
rara avis in terris
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do you remember the song Lying eyes?
from the first time i have read this until now i still find myself singing lying eyes with each read- the woman who crawls out of the
old man's bed and goes to the "cheating side of town"...
i like your opening image very well
and the story is solidly told- and creative in its inception- nicely done-
very glad to find this here.. thanks so much
mary
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''A strangled bird sits beak agape
on its perch on the roof
and points the wind's way.''
I like how you opened with a scene of nature instead of people -- as ugly as the bird is- it is leading me into the poem- which i like.
''Sometimes I hear it scream
in the quiet of the night
when it knows she is
prowling nearby.''
The misplacement of this stanza and the one prior fits pretty well-- its time frame i mean, the first stanza would be what you find in the morning after... and this one is of the night action-- it works because i am taken to a second or third night-- the realization
"She doesn't come for love."
nice set up for its deviant future- makes me want to read more to see if what she comes for is what I think in my own mind.
"That's not why she leaves
an old man's bed and walks
beside the chill waters.
Only lust would keep her
from the feathered comfort
of her stolen bed.''
nice feel of chill waters... ahh and lust is introduced
"Tonight she will feed and drink.
Tomorrow she will return
to her other victim."
dracula like moment... sultry and sexy without being overly done.
"We both have roles to play
that old man and I.
We are both prey,
in our own special ways."
and i think.... aren't we all prey to someone in some way or another...i liked how this section took me to another place real other than lust and love
Thank you for taking the time to enter into our contest. It is appreciated
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This is an excellent piece of poetry. It is straight forward but has been written so well that it can be interpreted in different ways. A master at work. I have read and re read this poem and shall return to read it again. The final couplet "We are both prey, in our own special ways." intrigues me no end.
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I am reading some of the best poetry on this site thanks to Cat's contest. This is extraordinary writing, John.
Love, Lane
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After reading this dark writ, I suspect she is a predator, a stalker, one who roams at night to command her prey. Yes, ugly! Also sinister, and there exists no love but pure, unbridled lust. I wonder if the bird will fly to a further branch to watch her night tirades? Excellent poetry you have here poet. I wish you well in the contest. This one has some real heavy hitters. I am tempted to join in.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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Surrreal ugly love is what I'd call it...
Best of luck in the contest!!! Peace, Me
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You can't hide your lyin eyes.. bravo
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"She doesn't come for love."
That line in particular chills me to the bone. I have to say that this character that you've created is not someone I want to cross paths with. Very well done.
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Love this poem and think the turn, story, and last line are all perfect! Good luck in the contest!
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hmm, seems like a good ghost story here to me... I like the imagery in the first stanza which seems like a weather vane of an albatross. An albatross screaming at some selkie who has left the comfort of feathers to return to the sea. I can't see the ugliness here too clearly, so you fail.
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I see you have edited, and I like the lean, clean version a lot!
Can't applaud again, so I'll leave these
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This is another side of love, gothic and dark. Well portrayed, poet, definitely ugly love.
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Is this poem of yours too romantic? The pic, for me (heehee) has a bird with a very large tatooed bum - the original pear shape - but not as attractive as the fruit. As they say, "Nothing better than a nice pair" Whoops - pear!
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"It is not love she comes for."
The synopsis, in one line.
Ah, how your mind works, Arafura,
how you create with words!!!
I can picture you at any moment,
"poised" to create!!!!!!!!
M-C
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John dearest,
I like the interplay of rim for edge within the title. The reference to poised adds to the predatory feel and neatly introduces your poetry, which portays the modus operandi of the almost Succubus like she, she leaves only the comfort of another soft bed to bed another.
That's ugliness and it undulates throughout with the mastery from your fingertips as there is no love just a cavalier attitude to sate an unhealthy appetite.
Again you lead the reader into a dark place but don't add to it, you illuminate it. The write has the chill factor of nasty, tawdry, tainted, togetherness.
Excellent!
Loved your skillful poetry portraying Ugly Love.
Love and Light
Yvie *HUGS*
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excellent
intriging and wicked. the witches drool over stuff like that. be careful they may come to carry you off on that wicked 2 seat broom
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