Just Because

You see I fight for life
And I fight to be free,
But I know the same time I’m fighting
I have to fight to be me.
I HATE it when people
Look down on me
Like I’m going to back down
And just because I don’t have
A gang behind me
Don’t mean you can push me around.
I rhyme and I write
And I write when I rhyme
And just because it’s not up to
“your standards”
Doesn’t mean my words is a waste of time.
I breathe words
And I live poetry every second of my life
And just because you want to be a rapper
Don’t mean things will turn out alright.
I take a puff of a cigarette here and there
To help ease my pain
Despite of my biggest fear.
STOP!
And just take a second to read
Half of my story written here
In this form of poetry.
I’m not Maya, Alicia, or Lauren Hill,
But I’m a woman that will always
And always be here.
I fill my eyes with tears
Trying my best to hold them back
Because I know if I let them go
Despite the fact
That they call their selves  my family and friends
They’ll laugh at me in my face
For showing some kind of emotion.
And that is something I can’t take
A reason I no longer date
And is with this one guy
Because you know what they say
Men are the same no matter
The weight, color or size.
It’s just the fact
That some females will never be the same
Because some black guy or white guy
Decided to play the ‘I broke your heart’ game.
There’s a reason why I’m so guarded
And have NO TRUST for any man, female or thing
Because I know when it comes down to it all
The fingers get pointed at me
And it’s like I’m the one to blame
For being so defensive
For being so guarded.
Some people just don’t understand
The things I’ve been through,
But part of it is
To blame for my mother who never believed in me
My sister who stopped talking to me
My brother whose trying to be a brother now,
But I’m grown
And if you look back on my life
He was never around.
It took my mother nineteen years to say ‘I love you’
After I said it five billion times
And some may call me selfish or slow,
But nineteen years is a hell of a long time.
Do you remember the time when I wanted to die?
How I tried to end my life more than three times?
But now I see how special life can be
Because I lost a few friends
In a matter of months
And I think it’s sign
From God to me
That my life here on Earth
Is not close to being done
And when it’s time to go
He’ll be the first to call me home
So we can smile and rejoice
And praise in songs.
I HATE to LOVE
And I LOVE to HATE
The fact that so many people
Is really that fake.
Smiling and laughing in my
Face one minute
And then spreading a bogus
Rumor about me the next.
See I ain’t here to stomp my
Feet and protest
Because people are who they are
And I can’t change that.
You see I’m standing up here looking back
In the eyes of haters
Because I’m beautiful
And they get defensive
If I look at them and say
“See you later”
Like I’m suppose to dedicate my life to them
And be by their side twenty four-seven.
Trust and believe
I’m not the dummy you assumed I would be
Because I have a mind of my own
And if you take a look inside of it
Your face with an ‘X’ is what’s shown.
You see I can go on for days,
For years
Make you hope in the back
Of your mind I would disappear,
But look at this page
I ain’t going nowhere
I’m here to stay
And I’ll end this with
Just because you want to be something
You’ll always have haters in your way.