Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Translucent Love

Disrupted visions of false feelings,
Pacing.

While vanity hides within
magicians sleeve,

He wonders if her love
was ever



True.

Author notes

Contest for: Thunder Paradise

20 words

Prompt: Translucent

A contest entry

Leave A Comment!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • perfectsunset gold member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. this one is one of my faves
    love this line alot

    "While vanity hides upon
    magicians sleeve,"

    ..only thing i would recommend
    you change for the line would be

    "While vanity hides WITHIN
    magician's sleeve."

    --because tricks and such are
    hidden within his sleeve not
    upon it, therefore it would
    not be considered magic right?

    That's all I would recommend
    you change, you don't have to though,

    other than that this was
    truly amazing.

    keep up th goodstuff lint trap!


  • etoile
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was great. your take on the prompt was amazing. and the imagery and emotions in this was brilliant penned. i loved the frist two lines. they really drew me into the poem. also, very strong ending. i liked this a lot.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A brill write for that prompt! Ahh if only things could be more transparent huh!

    :
    ♥