Through the leaves both gold and red
is a path where autumn led
Peace, and calm tranquility
squirrels scamper ahead of me.
I cannot see around the bend
nor do I know what's at the end.
It is not the end that seems to matter
the birds tell me in lively chatter.
It is the road, they tell me that.
Just each step of where I'm at.
Not behind and not ahead
but on the path where I am led.
Around the bend I do not see
but in my self, tranquility.
It is there within my heart
before each step has had its start.
Through the leaves both gold and red
is a path where autumn led.
Author notes
Option 2
A contest entry
- October New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended November 6, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
This is a lovely poem! I really enjoyed your rhyming scheme in this, I think it added a great deal to the flow and structure to the poem I loved the tranquil serene peace to the poem. well done
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~ kitty xxx -
Hi,
I would just like to wish you the best of luck
in the contest
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
I really like this.
It is simple and direct.
I didn’t have to get my dictionary out once.
That means more people will understand and enjoy it.
Beautiful.
… hope you enjoy the site and stay with us a long time.
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I found it..
The Dash
By: Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars....the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard...
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy's being read
with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spend your dash?
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Hello Brandy,
Your poem reminded me of a poem called, "The Dash" by: Linda Ellis. I will find it for you. I think it might be something you would enjoy!
You use the word, "tranquility" twice. I think with a word that is so discriptive, you should consider replacing one of the times you use it with a similar or different word. I think seeing it twice so close together, takes away from the beautiful visual you are creating.
I love how you started and ended the poem with similar lines. This is a very clear and vivid ending.. reminding the reader of where the journey began.
Bravo Poet.
Criss -
Welcome to All Poetry
What a wonderful read! This leaves one feeling warm and wanting that serenity that you speak of. I really enjoyed that, this morning. Great job!
Best of luck in this contest!
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Welcom to AllPoetry
Nicely written and great imagery. I would suggest choosing to center the poem but thats just me. I wish I had those little birds speaking to me.
"V" -
Welcome to Allpoetry
I liked your poem. Thank you for adding the picture. So far you are the opnly one who added your picture option. I liked your rhyme scheme. It flowed nicely. Good luck to you in the contest. -
Welcome to All Poetry
I really like how you have both started and finished the write with the same lines. Fantastic imagery, I could picture what you were writing. Best of luck in the contest.♥
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Your rhyme and flow is wonderful in this. I love your words, I really felt them. I would love to have that peace, just savoring your exact moment without the worries of what is ahead. There is great wisdom here, I love your message.
lol, how many times can I put love? This piece really hit me.
♥
whisper
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece! Like the picture, your poem is very alive, swarming with colour and sound, and for the moment, I tasted the air with you.
Indeed, the double-use of the word 'tranquility' is a bit awkward. Perhaps try using a similar word, such as 'serenity', in order to improve the flow. The repetition also served to strengthen your poem, as this was rich in both imagery and poetic device.
Well done, and all the best in the contest! Welcome aboard!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
I really liked the rhythm of this poem and the way that reading your words seemed like taking steps into the picture I enjoyed the repitition of the first couplet as the last couplet, but the one suggestion that I would make is that the double use of 'tranquility' seems a little out of place - but that is just my opinion, and on the whole I really enjoyed this poem - it is a beautiful take on the prompt I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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Welcome To Allpoetry
Hi brandywine
I very much enjoyed reading this poem, excellent take on the picture prompt. Well done and goodluck in the contest.
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Oh Wow! This is excellent in my opinion. There is so much more here than mere words. This really touches me in many ways and it is awe inspiring to me.
Well done with this.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
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thank you both for the welcome and kind comment on the poetry.
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Welcome to allpoetry
I like the last two lines specially here.. Not for their rhymes.. but for the blessed moment it strives to describe Good work..
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welcome to allpoetry
Nice job with this. I like the repetition of the first two lines. I also like your take on the picture. You expressed your thoughts well. Thank you for sharing.
Good luck to you in the contest.
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Welcome to all poetry
Hi brandywine
This is lovely, i like the rhyming very much Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Barbara
site greeter
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Beautiful answer to the lovely autumn prompt. I could see myself walking along beside you. Welcome to AP.
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Welcome to AllPoetry
Just lovely. Great rhyme scheme and wonderful couplet at the end that ties it neatly together.
I like how you took a simple subject and gave it a
new fresh application. Was this a pantoum? Some form. Can't put my finger on it.
I just loved reading it. Thank you. Warmly, CookieZeal
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thank you for the favorable comment
I don't know if it's a form or not. I don't think so ... just 8 lines to a stanza and then two more because I didn't want to keep going ... .
I've done an edit now. Making 2 lines per stanza. It seems to make more sense and the rhyme is tighter (I think) -
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Oh, wow. That's so very funny.
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The reason I thought it was , is you have repetitive phrases, words, such as the first and fifth stanzas using 'led'. In a pantoum, it is like a relay of lines, each being repeated in the subsequent stanzas. However, the pantoum uses four-lines per.
Well, it was innovative, for sure.
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