and

I wish that I could taste your skin
and make you forget
even if I have never been this way before
or known a lady's curves
I wish that I could be on your doorstep
in the pouring rain
and my face would be wet
and you would have tears of pain

then I could wrap my arms around you
and make you feel safe
and as you broke down,
I could hold you tighter
and you could cry into me
and your tears could fall on my skin
and we could be one for a moment
I would understand

we would go to that coffee shop
as I promised
and I would sit across from you
while you tell me all about your world
and the pain you live in
the anger that is there
and your hair would fall in your face
as you look away
and pretend that what you say is stupid
when in fact, it sinks in and I get it
we would spend our time on the bathroom floor,
memorizing tiles and sinking into the cracks
and if I could not stop you
I would hold your hair back
and rub the place between your shoulder blades

I would worry and I would be silent
not speak a word
and not judge you
and you would cry before me
like a lost child
and I would whisper
it's okay
and you would breakdown
and I would know because I've been there
so I'd hold you and pull you close to me
and let you collapse into my skin
and we'd forget for a while

I wouldn't be anything
but your shadow
and you'd show me your room
and the things in it
you'd giggle nervously and I'd look around
I'm sure it'd be beautiful just like you
and pick-up phrases would be left at the door
because I wouldn't need them

I'd say,
Vanna..
and you'd look my way
and it'd all make sense
and you'd be scared
of the scars you've revealed
and the stuffed puppy I sent you
would be sitting on your bed
and he'd keep you safe
and when I left
you'd tell me not to go
but I'd get in a car
or maybe walk
and you'd feel alone

you'd text me if I left
or maybe call
and tell me not to leave at all
and I think I would stay there
and find a job
and get an apartment
have a shitty boss
and get paid pretty okay
enough to get by
and college would always be on the side

I'd pick you up from college
with a single daisy in my hand
and you'd smile at me and give me a hug
and I would smile too
for just a moment
and our lives would collide
and I'd always be there
and you'd never be alone or ashamed
and I'd be your silent witness

I don't know what we'd be
but I know the things we'd do
maybe someday, if I got close enough,
you'd lay naked beside me
and I'd hold you close
unaware of my own body
not caring for it at all
and you'd be asleep
and I'd watch over you
and you'd dream with one arm
clasped around my stomach
curled into me
like an unborn lover

and I wouldn't leave
I'd only question
and in my head
I'd find a secret place
a place to put you
and it'd all make sense
and you'd be beautiful beautiful
and I'd watch over you
with no words or tears to glow
and you'd love me
maybe for the purpose of me staying
and in my apartment we'd rave
and you'd laugh and dance up to me
and maybe we'd kiss
and it'd be perfect
and maybe I'd push you away
and say we can't
you'd say why
and I would turn away
and you'd be hurt
scared it's happening all over again
and when I saw the expression on your face
I'd pull you into me and not let you go
and you'd cry and question and I would only hold you close

and I wouldn't be right at all
only the one you'd want
to see you when you cry
when you give more of yourself
to a flushable fixture
and when your face is pale with sweat
I'd see you

Pretty Rave Girl
and I'd always love you anyway.