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O great maritime bears

(an experiment in imitation of

 “Ye white Antarctic birds” by Lisa Jarnot)

 

O great maritime bears of Sauchiehall,

you parade of great maritime bears, you paviors

with great maritime bears and drums and great

maritime bears you paviors, oh and you the

paviors and bears I follow behind the parade of

paviors and bears and intolerance, you the bears

maritime of the confrontations and the metal

uprights, you the uprights of intolerance, the intolerance

for the uprights, you the despiser of the metal

and me and bears and others too and

drums, and you the drums, and you the forthright

intolerant bears and me, and you and the

confrontations yet maritime, and lager and

thronging great maritime bears and you the

flutes and accordions and uprights the metal

uprights maritime, and you the uprights and

drums, and him the one I hate, and those who

do not hate me, and all maritime intolerance, and all

the bears and drums and also on the paviors

maritime of this intolerance.

 

 

Author notes

This poem hangs on an actual event, but does not describe it, rather giving voice to an emotional reaction from the poet. I wish the event to remain fairly arcane for the purpose of this poem, and to rely on its effect on the reader. I can give some private explanation if necessary. One fact I should explain is that the “maritime bear” is (superficially) the endangered ursus maritimus. In execution, it is in imitation of Lisa Jarnot’s “Ye white Antarctic birds”.

 

http://anybook.blogspot.com/2006/06/ye-white-antarctic-birds-by-lisa.html

 

Notes on “Ye white Antarctic birds”

 

It is one thing to come to know a poet from familiarity, and another to be plunged straight into her world on one reading, and be told “imitate THAT!” From the first line, from which the salutation of the title comes, it is obvious that nothing in this poem is superficial. It is impossible simply to take it and apply it to another event or subject. The first line gives us a startling, contradictory image – “Ye white antarctic birds of upper 57th street” – setting a milling flock of southern seabirds in a busy shopping street in New York City. The street is then not typified by its famous stores, but by peripherals such as ATMs and cabs. Or are they peripheral? The banks with their ATMs represent money, the yellow cabs that throng thicker than the birds themselves represent the busy-ness and indeed the first line of commerce. Having said that, the crowds of (significantly) white… beings… that patronize the Manhattan cabs and the up-market stores, with their flap and chatter, are not simply personified in birds; there is much more to the poem, and the whole thing is deeply metaphorical and deeply personal, being the poet’s reaction to what she sees and describes. If an imitator doesn’t get the metaphor, then there is no sense in trying to duplicate it – look for a different metaphor! Say something different – do a different thing the same way. Or try.

 

The effect of the poem is to knock one’s breath away. It is manic, repetitive, relentless. It is only 157 words long; the words Antarctic and birds occur ten times each; white occurs five times, street or streets six, and there are repetitions of the words bank, machines, atm, cab, longing, and others; repetitions make up about 38% of the whole poem, if you don’t count and (18%), you/ye (9%, the latter specific to the birds), and the (11%). That accounts for 76% of the poem; much of the rest is taken up by relatively insignificant words (I say relatively!). Lisa Jarnot paints her crash-and-dash picture with very few colours. Perhaps the only thing left for an imitator, when faced with such a sparse and distinctive voice, is something like a word-for-word substitution!

 

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • adios muchachos gold member
    September 25

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    Mairi

    Sauchiehall I looked up as a street in Glasgow, but i had to look up also "pavior"
    which they say is a paver or paving machine?
    I read Ms Jarnot's poem and liked it. I don't know WHY? but toward the end when she said him that loves me and those who do not I got this WHITMAN sensation.
    Yeah, I guess old Walter had some manicky days as well.
    Pavior?

    Forgot to say, you did a good job with this, not the easiest thing to be doing!

    John


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 25
      Edit | Reply
      It drove me up the wall, John, I can tell you. It was bloody hard work

      "Pavior" is more properly written "paviour" over here, and I guess it got spellchecked into oblivion. It is actually something not unlike a brick in appearance, but one laid on the ground to produce a paved area for pedestrians. The major part of Sauchiehall Street (the Buchanan Street end) is closed to traffic, and is a walkway only.

      There is something OCD about the original, which is makes it compelling reading. I loved analysing it, reading it, soaking it in, but like I said, it was bloody hard work. It was the first time for years that I had studied another poet's work with such intensity.


  • Cannonsfire
    June 7

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    I've not read a piece like this before, I am glad you put the notes in, it's very well done C

  • chordphrute
    October 14, 2008
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    I think yours is better than the original, darling! I very much like that you chose to use the same agency, and thus keep similar pronouns throughout. That's what I struggled with in my version of the imitation, and when I rewrite it, I will add more pronouns to make it more accessible.

    I also very much like that you began with 'O' - while you know how I feel about using high diction - and yes, even one letter qualifies as such, the use of 'O' withdraws the observation of things in a nice way.

    I think this exercise is wonderful because it's so tricky and yet so expansive and lends to creativity. I think imitating this requires you not only to be in the moment of the piece, but also to be outside of the moment of the piece - which works as it's a beautifully expanded, repetitive list. I know as a poet, I certainly benefited from the act of repetition in this because it's something I generally leave out of my work.

    Anyway - as for yours, I get a very clear sense of tone with it and you have several layers of almost militant language...that works on a lyric level. very nice with this, darling.

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      October 14, 2008

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      The almost militant language is deliberate of course, because there is a high degree of militancy in the subject. As for the "O", it's there because there was a "Ye" in the original - high diction from Lisa Jarnot! - and I liked her startling and almost inapposite use of it.

      in / outside the moment was also what I was aiming for. I can feel that in the original.

      Lover, I am glad you liked it. Very.

      • chordphrute
        October 14, 2008

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        Indeed about the 'O' but I don't think it's that simple - I think she did it for a reason - an important one. If the piece had started with 'You' instead of 'Ye', we would get a different feel altogether. Likewise if you had not began yours with 'O', whether you realize it or not

        • Mairi bheag gold member
          October 14, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          "Ye" to me was all about "feel"; it was a deliberate salutation (as was "O"), the deliberate launch of something rhetorical. It was written to be delivered with a capital D. It was as though she was addressing something august, a quasi-priesthood, a group with its a sense of its own esoteric nature. It was archaic, almost biblical.

          How do you see the reason?


  • deercatcher
    October 6, 2008

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    This reminds me of my junior year in algebra 2. there were people in the class playing with concepts I struggled to understand. I thought when will I need this, and wrote off math...

    I still hate that red headed green beady eyed too much red lipstick colored to the lines...


  • Peteskid gold member
    October 6, 2008

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    I enjoyed the poem, i think the style is wonderful has the elements of the refrain in classic poetry, something that becomes a reason to think differently ...aspects or pespectives ...on a single subject... excellent...PK


  • cricketjeff gold member
    October 5, 2008

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    I have read both this and the original several times, and I have to say, I do not see the poetry of the original. I love the use of the word pavior in a metaphorical but in a sense literal way, that apart I'll say, sorry not for me.

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      October 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      No worries, Jeff - it's not for everyone, this kind of stuff, and it was bloody hard work. Her voice is her voice, and though this was a worthwhile experiment, I don't know where it can go from here.

  • Bad Bill
    October 5, 2008

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    I think you've done a great job with this, Mairi. You have captured the relentless flow and manic urgency of Jarnot's original, while adding a flavour all your own.
    All kinds of imagery sprang to mind ( I don't pretend to understand the poem completely), but the most persistent image for me is one of an Orange parade with its flute and drum bands and triumphalist bigotry.
    I've no doubt I'm far off the mark here, but I love the piece. Very well done.

    Impressed,
    Bill


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      October 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Far from being far off the mark, Bill, you are spot on! Congratulations! Thank you.

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