Walking along the narrow lane
with the gentle breeze i feel no pain
I know your up their watching me
i shall make you proud just wait and see
My ambitions and dreams will soon come true
and now iv'e realised its all down to you
Here's the end of the road so wait and see
but please just keep watching over me.
A contest entry
- October New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended November 6, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
can you see how the picture inspired me?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
i >> should be I considering it is a proper noun.
iv'e >> I've I should be capitalized.
Apart from that this is a very lovely poem, very hopeful and spiritual. I adored the aspect of being protected in this!
well done
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~ Brienna
Site Greeter -
Welcome to AllPoetry
Nearly like a prayer of 'longing'', this piece gives the reader some nice images and thoughts.
I think it could be tweaked a little making it more unique, but other than that, you did a good job.
Could you please place the option number in your author's notes? Thank you for entering!
Warmly, CookieZeal
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Hi,
I would just like to wish you the best of luck
in the contest
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Greetings! First let me encourage you to put your Option Number because no matter how good the poem is, 
if you don’t show your Option Number, you’re
DisQualified. You’ve been given some good suggestions.
I hope you are able to take them to heart. [you might check your spelling 
of “realized”] Yours is a simple straight forward poem that can be enjoyed by people on many levels. I hope to see you post more.
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Hello princess,
I like the flow of you poem, however, I think that this poem would read better if you capitalize all of the "I"'s.
The last line said that it was the end of the road, from the rest of the poem, I dont understand how this line fits in. It seems that you wouldnt need to be watched over if it were the end of the road.
Other than that, I think that the idea of being watched over and yearning to make someone proud, is such a sweet thought. This made me think of a cousin I was really close with. I was going through a tough time in my life and in the midst of that, he passed away. I was doing a lot of things that were bad for me and when he died... I thought that he would not be proud of what I was doing and if he were watching over me like he always promised, I wanted him to be proud of who I was.. so I changed the path I was on and started doing things, I knew, would bring pride to his heart.
Life is about choices and I think that you describe one of the reasons, people make the choices they make.. to please someone who they value.
Bravo poet and good luck in this contest.
Criss -
Welcome to All Poetry
WOW! You said alot in such a short verse! That is when one can find something that will stay with them for a very long time! Great job! And it sounds like something that I have been saying for a long time now, to one that taught me alot on this very same thing!
I think, I would make sure, if I were you, that I would capitalize the "I's" all of them, so that this reads the same all the way through. and maybe add some comma's. This carries a great message in it!
You need to mention which option you chose for this wonderful piece, I would hate to see this DQ'd because of that.
Best of luck in this contest!
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Welcome To AllPoetry
I like to welcome you to AP. I hoe ou enjoy your stay here. I liked the simplicity of your poem. We all have our roads of life to walk. It is nice to know we don't have to walk them alone. Good luck to you in the contest. -
Welcome to AllPoetry
This is a very moving piece. I really like the theme that you have used through out this write. Very inspirational. One tiny suggestion though, you may want to add the option number that you have chosen, I wouldn't want to see this entry get DQ'd. All the best in the contest!
♥
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Welcome to Allpoetry
I do see the inspiration you have drawn into a wonderful poem. This is an uplifting write. You do have some grammatical errors that need tending to, but the overall poem is wonderful. Third line should be there, and you've got several I's that need to be capitalized. Great poem.
♥
whisper
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
Short, but sweet; you have captured in eight lines what most people fail to capture in epics. I felt the gentle breeze, and the absolution of earthly anguish you speak of in your opening lines.
I strongly recommend that you proofread your work. Poor spelling and grammar can take away from an otherwise-great poem; same goes for internet-slang.
Overall, well done, and welcome aboard the AP crazy-train!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
This poem expresses so much in only eight lines I really enjoyed reading this, although I do think that maybe if you consistently capitalise the 'i's and perhaps added a little punctuation you could add more power to your words - that is just a suggestion though I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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welcome to all poetry
Hi princesspocket
I believe our loved ones are always watching over us this is beautiful thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Barbara
site greeter
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welcome to allpoetry
Nice.. brilliant yet full of hope.. confidence and warmth.. very well written. Am sure.. angels are watching over u.. and Good luck in all your endeavours.. and may the way to your road be as serene and fine
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welcome to allpoetry
You have put a lot into eight lines. I think you have said everything needed. The message and feeling behind the words is clear and beautifully written.
You will need to let us know which option you used for inspiration with this. Just edit then add the number to your author's notes (any notes?) section. If you have any questions, let us know.
Best of luck to you.
Enjoy the site!
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
There is a sadness yet a peaceful feeling to your words. Nice work for a shorter entry.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
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Welcome To Allpoetry
Hi princesspocket
Such a beautiful tribute poem to someone you have lost.
Goodluck in the contest and keep writing
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so beautiful and caring .. all good wishes lib xx
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