As I sit
I stare at walls
Sleep is calling
I cannot rest
Wandering thoughts
My weary mind
Why do we fear
That which we love
Holding joy
That I once had
It breaks my heart
Why must I wake
And still I sit
And still I stare
At my stark,
And empty walls
I fear to sleep
Yet love it too
Forever thinking
I miss you
My love...
My thoughts forever
I send to you
What did you think
Comments
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Nicely conveyed distress of being hyperfocused on a love lost, to the point of being distressed both waking and sleeping.
Very nice use of repetition in stanzas 1 and 5 adds strength to the piece.
It might be improved by smoothing out the meter to a consistent iambic (since you have done the vast majority in that meter). Some of the repetition outside of the 1st and 5th stanzas might be varied a bit more to add depth or additional insights.
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this is quite a good poem, i love the stanzas you have put it in. My favorite part of them poem was the 5th and 6th stanzas mostly the lines " I fear to sleep, yet i love it too" i can relate because i sleep alot, due to lack of it in my past, i love every minute of it, yet i fear it as well. i think you did a wonderful job on this piece.
-Lena <3
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