I'm walking in darkness.
The long shadows are all that I can see,
stretcing away from me,
distorted refractions of the world I'm living in.
I've got my back to the light of the Lord,
strolling away from Him as if it didn't mean a thing.
I'm lost
amid an ocean of people all going no where,
streaming about,
voices dancing, but the faces are all empty;
fitfull glances as eyes dart,
not wanting or willing to make contact;
foolish words that signify nothing,
empty phrases and insincere tones.
Marionettes on unseen strings
skip on clumsy feet,
lurching like drunkards,
face paint kabuki,
shark eyes lifeless and dark.
The spark of intelligence seeming so rare;
sign of a life being lived well and full.
The real cool is the knowledge,
the vision,
the passion
to know and be known,
to hear and be heard,
to feel and be felt,
deal and be dealt.
The belt of the stars laughing down overhead,
moving beneath them the living and dead;
The one knows the other and can easily see
the truly free others that pass on their way
to places where most have never been.
Beyond the common,
the fake,
the dispicable lie,
the unspoken Word,
the truth that is not silent,
nor is it easily heard.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
The mass of the wasted and weak wander wide.
The taste of the truth is bitter beyond
any gall bladder loneliness or death rattle sleep,
which blankets the eyes and smothers the mind.
Still we find others roaming.
Our kith. Our kind.
Behind mobs of the dead men,
amid the lifelessly dull,
the living ones hide.
Rend the veil and free the mind.
All the former things must pass away.
When the living and dead fly away to their ends,
the truly corrupted will find themselves yet here;
striving,
living,
finding the laughter that lives in the air.
The conviction that all is a fiction,
a dream,
constructed of the consciousness
of those living few who make the world.
The rest just pass through,
playing their parts,
passing their time,
signifying nothing.
A contest entry
- freeverse & prose [emotions attached] by xxRainbowDawnxx.
600 points, ended October 26, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Give me your BEST Prewrites~ by Bean Sidhe.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2008, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best by condor.
2600 points, ended August 20, 192 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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neat poem
ink to paper, very nice long flow of words. And you come up with a neat poem. My favorite is,
passion, and lonlyness. I can really identify with this.
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You express some powerful ideas here. I thought it could be cut back a bit and some of your phrases like "A mind is a terrible thing to waste" and "signifying nothing" have been read before--many times. But I liked your philosophical stance.
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I very well enjoyed reading this. It seems as though there are so many separate ideas yet they all fit together so wonderfully. The way in which you have written your words seems effortless and I can imagine what was going through your mind as you were writing.
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You have shown great care and expertise in writing this.I can picture everything that you wrote.The intensity of emotion and feeling is great throughout this whole piece.It must have taken quite a long time.It shows.Good luck to you in this contest I would not change a thing and I thought that you chose the perfect title.
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Quite an interesting piece. I love the concepts you evoke here & the imagery is very strong. I am particularly entranced by this particular stanza:
"Marionettes on unseen strings
skip on clumsy feet,
lurching like drunkards,
face paint kabuki,
shark eyes lifeless and dark."
Lovely work. Thank you for your entry & good luck! -
I like the twist... also love the title, it kind of reflects the mood of my most recent contest too.
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Boy, did you have an epiphany!
Was this a work a few days, or did it just come on suddenly? It's very intense...and absolutely fascinating with the interwoven themes...like facets on a jewel - absolutely captivating! Well done!
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Exceptional
wow
not much more I can say at the moment...this was exceptional. You paint a very damning picture of society, and sadly it is very authentic. Truths in every line, this piece leaves this reader wondering whether I'm among the living or the living dead. Great, great writing.
Rory
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This was just an unbelievable piece..
I left a detailed comment....but it was definitely worth another read!
One of the finest pieces I read in a while.
I'm afraid I'm at a loss...a void.... these last few weeks...
I was never one to write on cue...very sporadic....I was looking at the dates between my work....it was like 1 a month...a sporadic one or two in one month, where it hit me two times in a month....maybe I blew my wad.....
but I always think that when my head is empty of inspiration and creativity.
It's not real hard to be dismayed in these times.... -
Truth ... written with reflectiveness
... and somewhat sad ... but not bitter. How ironic that those alive do not always live life to the fullest, not so?
Good luck in the contest, Poet.
Myra
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Brilliant...
The real cool is the knowledge,
the vision,
the passion
to know and be known,
to hear and be heard,
to feel and be felt,
deal and be dealt.
I love these words.
Powerful and foreboading.
Makes one think hard.
wolf
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An excellent write, full of social commentary and moving imagery, as well as a fairly clever vocaublary. I have to say I enjoyed this thoroughly.
Just noticed a couple typos though...
stretcing away from me, - needs an h in stretching
amid an ocean of people all going no where, - nowhere is one word
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Very deep i like it. its long to it must have took some time to write.
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well...here it is.. the abandonment and isolation that we are feeling...the believe system has been broken down...
...I've got my back to the light of the Lord...
but i feel that is just a private example from the writer....those who have no religious believes are abandoning even their sense of what we all once were as just a decent society.
What we have have here is a break down...as Dylan said...as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped.
The weary world cant stand to even look at each other...
our alienation is self induced...not just politically ...not just religiously...but the common thread of common decent behaviour has left us treating one another like discarded tissues left in restrooms.
Im at the point where one line can safely be turned around in this proclamation of restoration....
...Waste is a terrible thing to mind......
because the spirit of the turbulent 60's does not live in one person anymore....we all just eat the shit that they put on our plates...like grateful dogs who traded in their canine teeth for soft crap to sustain ourselves to work and pay taxes even if it's just for one more day.
This truly is brilliant...in all it's truth.
At first it seemed almost like a microcosm of living in N.Y......
But unfortunately it goes way beyond our cities and towns...it's an infection ...from one soul t the next.
We all take out what we want from poetry...this is how i see this piece of your art....
And of course....I see you,
as an artist and social philosopher.
Great again my brother,
GREAT AGAIN.
LOWELL POE
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Some interesting thoughts here and very well put together. I read over it a few times and each time got something different. Great poem well done and good luck in the contest.
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Very interesting ideas woven into some cosmic yet very worldly wordages.
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You've expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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