Derringer Boss

It was just like a double date back in high school,
wearing our costumes on a dark rainy Holloween night.
The girls were dressed like sexy lil' cheerleaders,
short pleated skirts and low cropped revealing tops.

Ray was letting me drive is cherry 56' chevy.
Taking a dirt road, haggling like boss and bossee,
two of us, dressed like dumb and dumber,
through the fall weather, misty haze fog, we drove.

Ray was concerned about some gang looking for him,
we had decided to avoid the normal party scene.

Drove out to, allegedly haunted, Protrero Valley
where under some old oak trees grove, we parked.

Turning off the motor, headlights and inspiring fright
suddenly aware of just how dark a night it was,

stirring the girls with whispering intimidations fear ,
being spooky, we both kind of ooouuued and awwwwwed.

It didn't take long to make them feel a bit uneasy
tensions would peak and tweak, making sounds so eerie
Unable to hold a straight face, for too long
we'd ease up with occasional loud burst of guffaw.

Karen wanted to know where she was supposed to pee?
"I'm not going out there in the dark!!?"
With boogie man stories, Ray continued to tease,

he had her so scared she wanted to leave.

Ray offered to go with her, she said, "No!"
Finally her and Ray got out of the car.
Jane and I used the time to fondle and neck,
making the windows all steamy and wet.

Suddenly, the door, being flung open quick,
Karen jumped in, shivering and very upset!!
We chaffed her a little about it being a long pee,
but she was seriously frightened and mad as hell.

Seems Big Ray slipped into the night
just as soon as she started to relieve herself
and began making muffled groans and freaky sounds
wiggling bushes then being deadly silent and sneaking about.

I was trying to keep from laughing out loud,
when I saw Ray staggering towards the front of the car;
turning on the headlights, he really looked all beat up,
thinking he was going a little too far, what a total act.

Then I noticed headlights approaching from three directions.
He flopped up ono the hood yelling, "GO MAN! GO! DRIVE!!”
I started the car and hit the gas petal, spinning tires.
We hadn’t gone far when I saw a car across the road ahead.

Hitting the brakes, Ray slid off the hood between the cars.
several men started beating him with clubs.
Two windows were smashed, shattering glass all over our ass.
I put it in reverse, headlights closing in on us from behind,

Turning, I sped blindly, bouncing across an open field.
Until I reached the canal, where I was boxed in by several cars
people getting out, into the blinding headlights beams.
Someone opened the back door and Karen screamed.

I looked in the rear view mirror in time to see her face
gasping for air with a total look of horrific surprise!
She had a long dagger stuck right through her neck.
Again, I spun the tires in reverse hitting between two cars.

Karen lunged forward over the back of the seat, in front with us,
Gasping, choking, squirting blood everywhere, “Pull it out!”
Jane was frozen, completely terrified and shaking.
Karen exhaled her last breath laying motionless.

I pushed, her lifeless body, into the back seat.
Driving along the levy, never letting off the gas, I was hauling ass.
The lights disappeared behind us in the dust and fog.
Up ahead was one of the canals narrow crossing bridges.

With a flat tire,  I turned onto the bridge and stopped.
I got out and told Jane to get behind the wheel, while I opened the trunk.

When I got the spare tire out, I jacked the car up.

There was this horrendous stench, coming from the exhaust.

Removing the lugs and the flat tire a hand fell on my arm
I jumped ten feet, then realized, Ray was pinned under the frame.

One leg and arm missing, the other arm wrapped around his neck.
His mutilated, bloodied corpse burning on the hot muffler.

I finished the tire change and through his body in the backseat.

I opened the drivers door and Jane started to slide over,
“No! This way, out of the car!” She looked puzzled
doing as I had directed her to do.

She tried wrapping her arms around my neck, weeping.
I slapped her to her knees. Then she tried to unfasten my zipper.

I slapped her harder this time, then the sound...”click,”
the hammer of a pistol cocking.

Wiping the snot from my nose with my leather jackets sleeve
one side of my face began to twitch nervously.
I pinched my cheek, then pulled the skin,
 trying to make it stop, again and again, I slapped my face.

My eyes blinked, rolled, and I began to stutter,
“So, you had a little ‘menage trois’ going on the sly, aye?”
Both shaking nervous, terrified and sweating beads,

“Nobody gave a f**k, till you started stealing from the boss.”

“Shouldn’t have messed with the big boys, you know.
Don’t you know who the ‘Boss’ is? They say he has a .44 caliber,

pearl handled, gold filigree plated derringer.

I can see tomorrows headlines now:
'Four Terrorized by Gang, One Survives,’
blah blah blah, ‘Brutal Slayings Along Canal,’

surviver fears for life.”

Pressing the huge barreled pearl handled derringer

against the forehead,“I am the f**king Boss,
how you like my show?

Say good night."

~BANG!~ 

Jane bounced backed into the car, 

...she couldn’t see where she was going,
you couldn’t make out the expression on her face...
Walking about ten feet, without her head,

before she realized,
I’d just blown her head clean off...

....her scandalous shoulders

and her body collapsed to the wooden planks of the bridge. 

“Good night, Jane.”