I saved a hatful of rain
To show you what love is
It floods deep in the street
And drains into the ocean
I looked up at the sky
To see where the stars went
Drops came out of the darkness
And swept down my face
I stood still in the downpour
Of cold, cleansing water
And raised my stained hands
Towards where it all comes from
A contest entry
- here comes the rain again by Dienush.
500 points, ended October 23, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I like the first couple stanzas better than the ending. The first two lines were genius in my opinion. Thanks for your entry.
~Diana
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I think this is pretty good! I am a bit thrown of by the reference to stained hands as well. I think, and remember this is just a suggestion, that you could change hatful to handful in the first line and drop 'stained' and replace it with something like 'trembling'. All in all it is a good poem!
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Nice start. For me, the poem didn't quite do it (the hat in the first stanza is stained hands by the third)
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