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To relive Paris

 

 

 

 

I relived Paris;


    mildew, four walls
    and a bed too small
    to fit two bodies


still, I could picture you
              (out of there)
and fell in love

with day three, fragment seven:

            les fleurs fabuleux

 

you failed to see the glory

of rotten flowers 

so I realized, 

I had written the winter away,

while you,
you indulged astigmia

            (again)
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Weird how that song could inspire this... but then again, I've a rather weird personality they say...

and yes, I live life in metaphors.


For the lazy ones:

astigmia:

*noun: (optics) defect in an optical system in which light rays from a single point fail to converge in a single focal point

*noun: (ophthalmology) impaired eyesight resulting usually from irregular conformation of the cornea


For the none-comprehensive ones:

It's about a dream I had, an ex (who claimed to have astigmia), Paris, memories, pictures and getting over it.



Leander

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • ChrissyJean
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very well written poem...I'm guessing. I feel dumb now because I just don't understand it Oh well I still enjoyed it and found it beautiful.


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is a delicious piece of poetry. I love the random French and it reminds me delicately of a poem I read in high school, making me nostalgic. Beautiful. It's no surprise that this has already placed and won trophies.

    Very nicely done. Thank you for your entry & good luck!


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First I just want to say that your explanation, or rather the way you worded your explanation in your author comment, amused me. On a poetry website you really shouldn\t have to explain such things but anyway. Second on looks shall we say, I love the font choice (I hate default ap font and always think that changing it adds some small effect to the poem) and the layout. Third, the actual poem, it is written unlike any i have had the oppourtunity to read. Which is good, I like this, it was worded well and hmm, I suppose I can only repeat the words of my fellow judge 'This is one of those poems that no comment by the reader can really do the poem justice in capturing what one likes from it.'
    Thank you for entering.
    Laura.


  • film noir
    December 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is one of those poems that no comment by the reader can really do the poem justice in capturing what one like from it. It was completely stellar.

    I'm most definitely going to bookmark this and come back again to read it.

    Best of luck in the contest!

    - Aly


  • Kari gold member
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I hope that you don't feel or see yourself as "rotten flowers". Because you're far from that.
    I hope that soon you'll be able to see spring and write about that and this winter season passes for you quickly.


  • bigperm gold member
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    congrats "thought thrower"

    this piece evokes vivid imagery of how one's perception of events can differ so greatly from another. This is often the case in the most lucid of
    dreams.


  • Dienush
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I hadn't commented on this? I can see why, though, it's so good my comments won't do it justice I loved the title, the atmosphere you paint, the inclusion of French, and the poignant ending. At some point I even related to it. Lovely work. Thanks for your entry.

    Diana


  • B Chandler
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    cricket


  • Manoj Sanyal
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice poem...
    Thanks for participation.
    Good luck,


  • Polaja Greeters member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this - I had really missed your poetry and I'm glad that it is back (or that I have gotten less lazy looking for it) this is such a distantly beautiful poem - and I really think that it maintains a dream-like quality (then I read your AN and was pleasantly surprised that I was right!) the addition of those personal details that are just that tiny bit out of reach for your readers leaves us all with that last lingering bit of wonder that makes your work so attractive!

    Keep writing

    Polly

  • The Pole Star
    October 11, 2008

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    Hmm... Nicely done... I can't say I understood it fully, but I could always clap for the line syntax... Keep writing.


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    October 11, 2008

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    I'm glad you metioned it was a dream in your notes, I found it surreal as I read the text of your poem, not getting a firm grasp of the situation. I like how this one make one think.

    Dennis


  • ronnica
    October 10, 2008

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    Good title as it threw me to expect something else,
    it still wow-ed me with its rotten flowers and a girl with a stigma, ---in Paris


  • ml12
    October 10, 2008

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    I love how quickly I was thrown off balance. From the title I expected romantic drivel but instead I got the opposite. Nice word choice and I could not fault you on this one.


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    October 9, 2008

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    w00t! That was absolutely amazing. I love how you manipulated words to justify emotions. Great job.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • Anna Emkah
    October 8, 2008

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    A few lines but it tells a story... and a story with emotions. Well done. You are BACK and you did an amazing job again. A beautiful poem. Keep them coming eh? Toy, toy, toy... Anna.


  • Age of Rain
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'with day three, fragment seven:
    les fleurs fabuleux'

    The crowning glory on an already magnificent piece. This proves to be very strong!


  • albymyheart gold member
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "you failed to see the glory/of rotten flowers" I like that, these two lines say alot to me. Infact your whole poem is well thought out and penned. You set a nice scene here. Well done...alby


  • TOXIC Single Girl
    October 6, 2008
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    wow

    shot but so very powerful!!! i love the way u get the point across!!!
    love always
    ashlee


  • kishi-tenshi
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love these lines:

    you failed to see the glory

    of rotten flowers

    so I realized,

    I had written the winter away,

    definitely a good write!!!


  • gypsiessoul
    October 6, 2008
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    This was a nice read poet....


  • hawkeslake gold member
    October 6, 2008

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    So gentle and sad, rich in both metaphor and literal feeling. "...written the winter away" is often the result when we write to live (sometimes for survival)instead of live to write... the ironic twist at the end is your ex who spent his winter in even deeper self-absorption! Sometimes our dreams and memories are more powerful than what is happening at this very moment in our lives. I found this poem very intriguing.


  • juggalette cutie
    October 6, 2008
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    Nicely written keep it up and keep writting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Peteskid gold member
    October 6, 2008

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    Those days when luxuries were out of reach but somehow life was full of luxury; I enjoyed the nostalgia - a rosy eyed view of the past, the farther, the rosier; no opthamology required...PK


  • csmmoms2
    October 6, 2008

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    Really lovely

    We all have our Paris stories.
    Mine was "if I ever get you to Paris your ass is mine". We never got to Paris.


  • MD Masroor
    October 6, 2008

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    That was just beyond beautiful. Your style of writing this poetry was new to me since I just started, and I thought that the way you portrayed your emotions in this poem, was outstanding.. Beautiful.


  • Truetome
    October 6, 2008

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    a nice little photograph captured here. I felt this was a very heartfelt and thoughtfully written poem.


  • lisapoet
    October 6, 2008

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    I've done Paris. You had a romantic escapade in Paris that you captured well in your poem. It is youthful, with old and modern notes mixed in. I hope you stayed in touch with her. Well done.


  • Yemassee gold member
    October 5, 2008

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    Ah, a cynical author note...I'm sorry for not only what occasioned the poem but for what necessitated the comment.

    We relive moments, adding a tone to the hue that probably wasn't there before...light colors become grayer in our memories. Sorry Leander, I know it takes a long while to get over such things. It may be small solace, but the poem is excellent.


  • gaze
    October 5, 2008

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    First I want to hug you, a bear hug (quite impossible with my size, but think it's a bear hug) for posting again!!! Yay!

    Now, Paris isn't that good anyway, so the memories that aren't good, can be buried there, next to Napoleon.
    You have been always good using metaphors, and I can see you didn't lose your touch.
    This is short but an excellent poem.

    Bring more lieveling


  • Nicolette gold member
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "and fell in love
    with day three, fragment seven:
    les fleurs fabuleux"

    I absolutely adore those lines!! And I am smiling because you are writing again. I have been to Paris once (I think I was about your age..so that is damn long ago, lol)!

    You just keep on writing like this and winter will disappear, my friend. This one has a wonderful mood about it and it's a very authentic mood. Loved it!



    ~ Nicolette

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