Bare I knelt beside
a dirt track to anywhere
staring at Armageddon in a yellow daisy when
you, in a cloud of dust and patchouli, said:
"This must be the way to Nirvana?"
Peace hung over our hearts and
Armageddon in our hair yet
we were swallowed by the world.
A contest entry
- days of vinyl & flowers in your hair by Nicolette.
2200 points, ended October 12, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rhyme
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Beautiful work.
Where are you, Rof? Its been a long time since I saw you around.
Love
Myra
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my best pal back then had a VW bug that would only start when we pushed it a ways. lol
life in the fast lane
love and peace were the gears of the day, and patchouli oil lubed them.
well done.
thanks for this entry, and the look back
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Ha-ha. It is always good to read about how one's lines positively affect people. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Ps: yeah I have had that experience with the "Bug" too.
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Very interesting and different presentation here... somehow the lay-out appealed to me, although I wanted to put "dirt road" in one line - it seems a more natural line break
Loved the scent of patchouli...yes, so very much part of "those days". I also liked the voice here, it's personal yet something very universal about it too. I enjoyed this..it makes the reader want to know more and it's a quality I look for in a poem - just enough said.
Thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you Nicolette for an insightful comment. Yes, these little niggles with form and lines are to be expected when composing a new poem so close to the deadline.
I have taken your advice to heart and also performed some minor surgery on it.
Thanks for getting my writer's ink flowing again.
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