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Walk for a while.

I hold my head up to the western sunlight passing through,
the trees and the leaves and everything which reminds of you.
Happiness is a thread of sunshine connecting hopes and dreams,
I'm taking the long walk home, alone in everything I do.

 

I talk to myself inside my head - I'm not afraid to die, not yet.
I've still got a while to walk until my sorrow takes the best of me.
I walk slowly and think fast - I don't have that much time.
In the end we all tend to think of how it began.

 

How did it begin? - At the start of the road of sunshine and hope.

How did it end? - At the end of the road leading me home.

 

 

 

Author notes

Option 2 - "Where does this grand lane take us.."

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • hardluck
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi,

    I would just like to wish you the best of luck
    in the contest


  • lindaburns gold member
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry!

    I may be out of line here, but I see death throughout the entire poem. The sun in the west is a setting sun and when it goes, the sunshine connecting hopes and dreams go with it. Our ultimate home is death (if you discount the afterlife) and you’re going there. Alone. You are rehearsing the past in your mind and death has occurred to you. You don’t fear it because it is still ‘down the road’. Still you ‘don’t have that much time’.
    “How did it begin? - At the start of the road of sunshine and hope.
    How did it end? - At the end of the road leading me home.”
    How DID it end, says it has ended already.
    I’m going to go with my interpretation and say this is a deep, dark work that reflects how life is for the seemingly hopeless.
    Good. Shows talent. Hope you enjoy being with AP and post many more of your poems.


    • Netherspice
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You got it right down on the spot.

      Thank you. Means a lot having someone say things like this to you.


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    The walk you paint reminds me of the walk we make to Heaven when our lives are at any end. The first line of your second stanza painted to me that type of picture. I wish you luck in the contest and welcome to Allpoetry.
    Lady Altheia
    site greeter


  • Raspberry silver member
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Such a powerful poem.. very subtle though in its presentation and that adds to the garndeur Very well done and thank for the precious entry!!


  • SeptemberFaith
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Hello Netherspice,

    In the second line, I think it would flow better if you added the word, "me" after reminds and before of.

    I am not sure that I actually understood what you were trying to say... the poem started out in a happy way and then spoke of lonliness.. I just don't understand the move between one to the other. I think if you go a little deeper and explain why you are walking alone and why the road leading you home is a sad event would make this poem that much better.

    I really enjoyed this line:
    "Happiness is a thread of sunshine connecting hopes and dreams"

    I like th thought of happiness threading together hope and dreams (and probably other good things). This is a good use of visual words, allowing the reader to see in their mind what you are expressing.

    Bravo Poet and good luck in the contest.

    Criss


    • Netherspice
      October 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      While the poem wasn't technically up for revision, I still very much appreciate your input.

      The poem, for me, is never about happiness. The sunlight I'm talking about is those few moments of appreciating being totally alone that you have once in a while, or I do at least.

      I didn't wish for it to be more specific, because I wanted it to be more of a general sense of sadness - the kind that you experience just after you've been glad for a few moments, until you sink back into the dark, cold recesses of your mind.


      Thank you for the kind words, and for the criticism. Hope I've managed to answer some questions, at least.


      • SeptemberFaith
        October 14, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Hey Netherspice,

        Just a suggestion, if you are not looking for a technical review, you can state so in the section on the edit peom page or before you submit the poem that allows you to specify the type of comment you are looking for.

        As I said previously, I was confused as to what your peom was trying to say. I didnt see the transition between happiness and sadness.

        Take care,
        Criss


  • StarEyes
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to All Poetry

    I really like your take on the prompt! This is fantastic!

    "How did it begin? - At the start of the road of sunshine and hope.
    How did it end? - At the end of the road leading me home."

    Love those lines... Makes the reader stop and think for a moment! Great Job!

    Best of luck in this contest!







  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Wow, I really love the inspiration you drew from the picture, your questions are mature & relatable.


    whisper


  • Valley Girl silver member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to All Poetry

    A very creative and thoughtful write. I really like the vocab you have chosen. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry!

    Indeed, your poem makes the reader think; what is this path? Where does it lead, and is it a metaphor for some greater plan? you have made fabulous use of the prompt!

    My favourite line is this one:

    "Happiness is a thread of sunshine, connecting hopes and dreams."

    Your use of metaphor is great! Welcome aboard, and good luck in the contest!

    Laura, aka Immortal


  • Polaja Greeters member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry!

    I really like the notion of the thread of sunshine being happiness - it was such a beautiful image and you crafted it so well the take on the prompt is amazing, and I like the quiet strength that is so evident behind your words the simple ending was the most powerful part of the poem for me - and I wish you the best of luck in the contest!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • StormGoddess Greeters member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry!

    I really like the thought process in this. It is realistic and valid of life. Powerful words. Well done.

    Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.


  • queen Moderators member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    welcome to all poetry

    Hi Netherspice

    This is awesome, My favorite line is happiness is a thread of sunshine connectin hopes and dreams. That is so good thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
    Barbara
    site greeter


  • LionessK silver member
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    welcome to allpoetry

    Impressive writing. I especially like your third line. The thought, meaning behind your words and the wording itself... everything is put together very well.
    A beautiful piece. Thank you for entering the contest.
    Good luck to you.

  • Warrior7
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome To Allpoetry

    Hi Netherspice

    This is an excellent poem you have written, the words you chose add depth to this piece, i really enjoyed it. Goodluck in the contest and keep writing


  • kermie4201
    October 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this poem. I especially loved the ending to it. Very hot.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    October 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was an excellent poem
    very well written and wonderfully expressed


  • Saint Irial
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!

    "ow did it begin? - At the start of the road of sunshine and hope.

    How did it end? - At the end of the road leading me home."

    Simple and true, well written and pure. I enjoyed the entire thing, I enjoy the way you write.


  • coloringmysenses
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this!
    "Happiness is a thread of sunshine..."
    That is most definitely my favorite line.
    I like how you took a look back on how it began and how it ended.
    Terrific.

1 - 34 of 34