moxie

from the age of sixteen
grew up in pool halls thinking on my feet
gambling with wiseguys
bookies
loansharks
rounders
pushers and pimps
head to head combat
surviving on my wits
experienced early
ecstasy of winning
agony of defeat
raw truth powerplays
always dangerous
frequently violent

in fact one night
miami beach
late 60's
maneuvered a 'customer' as we used to call them
into spotting me the 7 in a game of 9 ball
race to 10 for 500
knew I could win easily playing him even
a cinch
totally convinced his bankroll was mine

after racking up 5 straight games in the second set
[crushed him 10 to 3 in the first]
aiming at a routine shot to the middle pocket
his macho puertorican backer snuck up behind me 
pressed a snub nosed 38 to the back of my head
said 'go ahead bitch....shoot'
my whole body froze
ice cold with terror
trapped
exposed
totally humiliated
never been more afraid in my life
but .........
from somewhere deep within
found the courage to blurt out
'pull the trigger ... or fuck off! '

to my complete surprise
relief
he recoiled laughing,shaking his head
arms outstretched waving his cocked pistol in the air
'you got a lot of moxie, kid'

in that instant I experienced my deepest subterranean primal defiance
killer instinct
actually ended up slipping out of there at dawn
with 1500 of their cash in my pocket
lesson of a lifetime

later.....at university and beyond
lived a double life hustling businessmen
bureaucrats and other conmen
while studying art
literature
religion
meditation
psychology
philosophy and social theory

again and again
throughout all my grifting experiences
indepth immersion into various discplines
discourses
discovered a recurring truth:
[contexts differ but the bottom line's the same]
a majority of weaker wills
fall victim to an unstoppable few
who believe in themselves
even at the risk of death

time passes but this fact remains irrefutable
all else is deception and lies