As the sun sets on our tired day
The light of Earth starts to go away
We will start our special dance
That sends us into that special trance
Twirling around again and again
Keep on dancing til it's at an end
The sky becoming dull and dark
And at the moon we hear the wolf bark
The moon rising high in the sky
As the sun just seems to die
We stop dancing and walk down the road
And keep going until we reach home
Then we'll rest our heads upon our beds
And wait for the sun to rise again
Author notes
option 3
A contest entry
- October New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended November 6, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Hi,
I would just like to wish you the best of luck
in the contest
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Your work is good. I would like to encourage you
to stay with your writing as you get older and learn more about punctuation and other more technical parts of poetry. Now-a-days almost anything goes as long as it is logical and reads smoothly. [ til = till ] Welcome aboard.
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W00t
Meh loves it bunches lil sis keep writing like this, your a natural
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This is lovely, though the dual use of the word 'special' was a little awkward. It definitely fits with the background you have chosen, as well as the prompt.
My only suggestion to you would be to use punctuation; your readers need a moment to breathe and digest your words. Well done, and welcome aboard!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Welcome to AllPoetry.
I thought thjis was really lovely. The writing style is breathtaking and vivid. It almost has a fantastical way about it. I like the personification you used making your words come alive. Good luck to you in the contest. -
Welcome to Allpoetry
I think you told a very true to the prompt story here. I like the idea of them dancing until the sun goes down and then going home to wait for the morning to come. I can imagine them repeating this same thing everyday.
The only thing I saw that I think could be improved is.. in these two lines:
"We will start our special dance
That sends us into that special trance"
You use the word special twice and very close together. I think the flow of your poem would be less interupted if you changed one of them to a different word. Maybe, "We will start out harmonious dance"
Just a suggestion.
Bravo poet and good luck in the conest.
Criss -
Welcome to All Poetry
This is great! It left a huge
on my face this morning! Something I really needed! Thanks! You did a great job on this one!
Best of luck in this contest!
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Welcome to Allpoetry
I love the direction you took this picture. You brought it to life, wonderful poem.
♥
whisper
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Welcome to All Poetry
A very nice and refreshing piece. I really like the imagery that you have used for this. The part where you had written about the "wolf bark" really stood out for me. Best of luck in the contest.
♥
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
I really like the rhyhtm of this piece - the only thing that I would think to change here is in the third and fourth lines you have the word 'special' twice, and it kind of reduces the power of the image - but that is just my opinion the rest of this poem is beautifully done and I really like the eager anticipation that you describe so well - I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
This has a dream-like quality to it. Seems kind of special in thought and that males writing nice. Well done.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
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Welcome To Allpoetry
Hi shelbymarie
Great rhyming in this piece, and your words are really beautiful to read, you've given us some great imagery.
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welcome to allpoetry
How beautiful.. The last line leaves the reader with hope of the coming day Very well written.. Keep it up!!
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welcome to allpoetry
Very nice. Your words do go with the picture provided quite well. It's interesting to see how a picture will inspire people differently.
Thank you for sharing your view.
Good luck to you in the contest and enjoy the site.
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welcome to all poetry
Hi shelbymarie
I love the rhyming im a big fan of rhymes you do it so well good work thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Barbara
site greeter
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