propped in a
dark corner
trussed
hands and wrists
across my
dry river bosom
you wanted
to hold me
captive
my eyes
slits of deep
blue lapis lazuli
behind
thread sewn lids
glittered
of remembrance
as my mouth
sighs
lost nights
of a thousand years
you dressed me
in spider linens
in warm breath silks
with jewels burning
and sparrow like songs
i tried to soar
to marble gardens
.
A contest entry
- sparrow by Saffron.
900 points, ended November 7, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Well deserved silver. Hauntingly poignant -- as Saffon said, this one slips in like fog, surrounds the reader and casts a haze over the world. A slight distortion of perception that turns a cloud into a wall, linens into straitjackets, silks into restraints. Excellent.
Garrison
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This is so hauntingly poignant, and honestly, it gave me little chills (in a good way) when I read this. I adore the description of spider linens, and almost how something so beautiful and seemingly delicate kept the character captured and unable to reach freedom through flight...I truly admire this poem.
Thank you very much for writing this for the contest.
Saffron
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Thank you for the silver
I am glad that you enjoyed it and thank you for your thoughts
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This flows beautifully. As I read down the page I felt the thing poets sometimes feel... rising up. "Marble gardens" is a solid choice to end a piece of writing this ethereal.
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Beautiful!!!
Love it!!
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this is beautifully wistful.
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this is dark and beautifully haunting.
Very well done. Love, Lane
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sublime...
"lost nights
of a thousand years"
reminds me of scheherazade
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Poignantly moving hon, glad I didn't miss this one. *sighs so deeply her spine aches*
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me too
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oh my gosh.. how did i miss this beauty heidi?
this is wonderful.. just wonderful...
i love the last couple stanzas especially...
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Thanks Mary
I am still intimidated by yours though lol
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Heidi, this is poignant and beautiful.. the wistful ways of the sparrow song and the intmacy of flight..
beautimous
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I am really glad you approve!
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"you dressed me
in spider linens
in warm breath silks
with jewels burning
and sparrow like songs"
what a beautiful poem...love this & I love the way you creatively wrote the imagery here in this stanza=)
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Thank you for your thoughts
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well done
Deep and rich worded perfectly the sign of an artist. Saying all you wished in so few words, is an art in itself Bravo, Boog
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Thank you for taking the time
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Beautiful!
I especially like,
'thread sewn lids
glittered
of remembrance
as my mouth
sighs
lost nights
of a thousand years'
Best of luck in the contest
^_^
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Thanks, I am glad you enjoyed it
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This is a very interesting take on the prompt! I found it to be quite beautiful and captivating from start to finish! Quite lovely. Good luck in the contest!
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Thank you for taking the time
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Oh I love this - beautiful. Loved the depth here, the way of expression, the lapis lazuli, the nostalgia, the song, the flight...
Beautiful.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you Nicolette for your lovely thoughts...
hmmm are you coming to the states soon? -
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jaa...december, 10...
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oooooo that is right around the corner!!!
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what an iteresting take on the prompt
"you dressed me
in spider linens
in warm breath silks
with jewels burning
and sparrow like songs"
This part was my favorite
Much enjoyed H.D
good luck in the contest
Ken
P.s I'm taking your adivice on that other matter
what a way to put it, thanks
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Thanks Ken for taking the time to leave such a nice comment
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