Double dealing death mongers
juggle disenchanted eyes of complacency
while the rest of us piglets root for truffles in a minefield,
a barren land
planted by alchemists with black thumbs.
Soon the Frost will come
followed by Hungry Flames,
purging the Way forth
A contest entry
- ~Give me your BEST Prewrites~ by Bean Sidhe.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2008, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best All-Around Prewrites From 2008 by amaranthine lover.
1400 points, ended January 9, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did it make ya think and/or feel?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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finalist
please join the group
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I like this; it has a lot to say without giving away too much. Leaves just enough for the reader to decided for his/herself
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Alchemists with black thumbs have getting lead for their troubles ..... excellent, obscure but not that obscure, and an alchemist who gets lead for their trouble is a force of destruction, for lead is the heaviest, least dependable of all the metals and it tends towards the softest and most useless of attributes except for bullets ...
i see all the shapes, the eyes, the hands, the seasons in this write .. packed with metaphore, it is excellent and thought provoking
the frozen ground is dead, it thaws and then lifeless rubble appears as roots feet upon these and flames in drought come as take these things into a cleanliness which is rich for the earth ..
on and on .. i could go because you are dealing with evrything here ... chamelion like is truth and falsehood
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Love this. "a barren land planted by alchemists with black thumbs." What imagery this puts forth. Your poetry has a voice that is all your own.
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Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read.
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I can kind of understand where you were trying to go with this.. -blinks- but maybe break it down just a little bit more? Then again, your intended audience probably isn't teenagers, so perhaps I should be confused.
I do like the idea though, and the vocabulary used is good.
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I find this weird, but i know it has a lot of symbolism in it, but sadly i just cant figure out what, obviously it has some connection with power. This write has made me think, reving up my dull mind. Which is certainly commendable.
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wow, almost a prophetic write on perhaps humanities future, yet details how impervious and uncaring we as a whole are... great write my friend
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Thank you Poppa, that is quite a hefty compliment, esp coming from a poet of your caliber. I wish you well, and hope you change your mind about parting.
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i love it....
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seriously...
...and i am kinda dissapointed in myself cause i dont know what else to say!
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I agree with seven. the title is a poem in itself love it.
kinda like a dog chasing its tail but a million times more poetic lol
I like the image of piglets rooting for truffles. i believe they have a great nose for it too
"alchemists with black thumbs " from doing too many chemical experiments?
the last three lines promise doom and resurrection (or nothing )
very fitting for a sidewalk poet lol
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on alchemists with black thumbs - how the industrial revolution has killed our earth mother, the most vital of all plants, The Plant, The World Tree killed by piss poor gardening per say. I chose the alchemist for the mystique and personal fondness of how that word sounds in my mind and rolls of the tongue, compounded for a liking to the whole rennaissace time frame of which I also assimilate that word to, and primarily as, in my mind, it symbolized or conveyed that from early on in our "civil"ized history we have been killing that which we are dependant upon. In a nutshell = man vs nature
yeah, all that from one line, ok im fit for thorzine LOL. -
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I love the word alchemist too. I see this mysterious person, a medieval mad scientist trying to concoct turquoise and purple potions. I have no clue what they do and neither does he but they sure look pretty
sorry but I did warn you about my age lol
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i love, love, love the title to this
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what an awesome title...
a poem in itself
that first line packs quite punch
as does the wrap up
I have black thumbs myself
believe me
I killed a cactus before
from lack of watering. lol
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LOL at killing a cactus. just give em a splash of ur beer next time hoss.
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This is such an immensely deep poem.
"Double dealing death mongers juggle disenchanted eyes of complacency"
I can't even begin to describe to you all the emotions you make me feel with this first line. It's so moving and captivating. Wonderful :]
"a barren land planted by alchemists with black thumbs.
Soon the Frost will come
followed by Hungry Flames
purging the way forth."
By the end of all this, I need to catch my breath. Your words radiate depth and originality. Even the title is captivating. I agree with your message here. That the way we're presently dealing with things [as far as man vs. nature and all that] is wrong and that we need to stop destroying nature or we'll destroy ourselves.
Beautiful words throughout this piece. Thank you so much for taking the time to enter. :]
-Lily♥ -
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Thanx so much for such a thorough and endepth response Lily. any areas that could use fine tuning or tweeking?
and yes, we ARE destroying ourselves along with Earth Mother.
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