Pink, red, sugar, sweet,
flying fibers, licked fingers,
jubilant eyes, sugar-sweet smiles.
Tied together, winking in the moonlight,
walking down the road,
twinkling stars, sweet sugar kisses.
Shocking cold, happy warmth,
pink in your cheeks, red on my hands,
giddy laughter, choking on sugar.
Cotton-candy metal shining in the dark,
adrenaline in the veins, red on my hands,
red on your head.
Sitting in the darkness, you're frightened
and I'm wary. Don't mention a word
of what I did to you.
Don't you dare mention a word--
Stealing you and keeping you--
I'll hide you forever.
Eat some more cotton candy-
swiftly spun spindles of sugar-
just seal your lips shut.
Cold, cotton, metal, candy,
hot, sticky, wet, bloody,
nothing clean about being sticky.
Author notes
Inspired by the quote: This cotton candy covered day left us all but clean by Written in ink
A contest entry
- OPTIONS, ENTER PLEASE? by written-in-ink.
700 points, ended October 9, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh. I can take it. I need it.
Comments
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i thought it was good but soemthing about it was missing
and i just think that it was amlmost there
but i still think that it was very nice
thank you so much and good luck
*btw please give me credit
thank you. -
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Okay I fixed the credit thing. I knew I was forgetting something.
Could you be more specific about where it is lacking? I'd like to revise it if possible. -
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i would say its a little chopy
like it feels like there is words missing
but i really think that you need to just find whatever you feel needs to fixed
and thank you so much for taking my comment into such consideration. -
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Yes I think I see what you mean. But it will have to wait until the morning.
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